[roo1992]

So another day night not knowing where my partner is relationship has been on and off for 10 years I’m well and truly sick of it now.

So I can tell he has a bad coke habit again and he tries to lie and hide it but I know the signs yesterday he came home from work I could just tell he was on it by looking at his mouth, I asked him he said know I said don’t lie you know I know and he then said he got given a line by one of the lads at work but I doubt it was that he never had any money. I left that night to find he had blocked me I went back at 10am this morning to find him not home but his car still at home so obviously was picked up by someone last night also a bottle of JD is missing from the side I have called and called him he text a couple of times saying he was sick of me moaning wouldn’t answer the phone I am now thinking all sorts is he cheating is that why he can’t answer the phone but only text ! Still not home now the lies he tells when he is on these awful drugs is awful where on earth would he be staying for 2 nights. He is such a horrible person when on cocaine and can’t believe the amount of lies he tells, I have seen on his phone before that he had looked up escorts I confronted him and he said it was his mate looking he even called his friend in front of me and his friend said yes sorry it was me but again I think it’s lies and they were probably both looking.why on earth does this drug make them want to do these things and lie so much I’ve really had enough abs want to walk away but every time I try he will continue to ring me and bother me until I give in I’m so tired and drained I want better for myself I am 30 in January and would like to have kids and settle down has any one else had these experiences thanks

[anon1987]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s so tough isn’t it. I don’t have the answers but really know what you mean about feeling tired and drained.

I am still with my husband because we had a child together by the time I found out he was an addict. My husband is in recovery and has been for a good few months but you can’t switch off once you’ve been through what we have, so I’m constantly checking up on him and he hates it so our relationship isn’t good.

If you want children I would really consider getting yourself out but I appreciate how hard that is. Sending love to you x

[roo1992]

Bless you thanks for taking the time to reply I’m so sorry that you are going through this horrible experience too, but at least your husband is trying now that’s good 🙂 I totally understand though once the trust is broken it’s so so hard to trust again.

I feel like he wants to change but just can’t seem to do it it takes over there lives it’s so awful what it does to people.

The worst thing is loving the person you once knew and that person doesn’t seem to be there anymore it’s like your constantly chasing the person you fell in love with but can’t get it back sorry I hope that makes sense it’s just hard to explain it really is.

Such a waste of a life, yes I really need to break free from this awful mess but just so hard when your in it, I think I actually need help professionally I think I’m going mad some days and it’s like we keep it all bottled up I wouldn’t be able to talk to friends & family about this as they would go mad with what I’m putting up with.

Any way sorry to waffle on just feels good to be able to talk and get it out.

I really do wish you and your husband all the best for the future in his recovery and hopefully he can prove this to you both lots of love sent your way too xxx

[anon1987]

Thank you- he’s been clean for longer periods and relapsed before so I’m still cautious even though it’s going well 🙂

You’re not waffling at all, it all makes sense to those of us who have been in this crappy place. It’s very easy to look at someone else’s situation and see that getting out is best, it’s another thing when you’re in it.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to? Totally understand re mental health- I started a thread earlier asking for advice about getting help as I just don’t know where to start! Don’t know about you but I don’t feel like I recognise myself anymore.

Hope you get some sleep, really do understand that feeling when you just don’t know where they are or what they are doing.

xxx

[danman83]

Hiya roo I hope your OK.

So Ive been on coke for 12 years now roughly, and I’ve done my best to stop for years. I tried everything.

But I joined cocaine annonymous in Jan and I got my best clean time of 4 month, then lapsed then 3 month clean. Then a few wobbles and back on 2 week now.

Anyways I won’t go into what he needs to do to quit. I’m just gonna give my opinion on what I think you should do. And if I was you I’d leave now. He won’t ever stop until he admits he has a problem and he’s getting help. He’s dissappearing for days ect.. Using at work did u say?

He would need get a new job tbh to get away from that environment.

And I’m gonna be honest now because I have to live an honest life now. Cocaine and escorts and massage parlours and cheating come hand in hand. I’ve done them. Im not proud. I cheated. It turned me like this. The searches are obv his. Adultwork is the main one most go on. Having come just makes you want get an escort ect.. Its the sneedyness and slyness that coke turns u in to. Its like you get a kick out of it.

It’s turns u into a person you are not. I’d never of done this clean.

So you are 30 in jan and have no kids. My advice get out now and don’t look back. And tell him your worried about him and he needs get help and you can stay around any longer. If he says let’s have a baby that will help him focus.. It won’t I’ve been there.

You need to think of yourself you really do. Go be happy somewere else. My gf kicked me out in May. It was my fault and I get a new flat in 2 week. I wish I never touched this stuff.

But your young and have no ties. Get out while you can and be happy. That’s my advice. It’s your life tho. But do you want to be here in 5 years time? It’s hard splitting up but it will get better and you will find someone that will make u happy. Feel free to ask me anything

[esta]

Thank you for your honesty

So many people are Will benefit from reading this post and what you have written

[dfh]

Hi danman83

Good to see you back. Hope your move goes OK?

Roo1992 -I echo what the other posters have said. Walk away. It DOES NOT get better ever. I’ve been ghosted again for the millionth time. My addict is prob in the next town being an asshole as we speak. He has a week off so he can get off the drugs but I get the feeling he’s having a last blowout in Bolton because he’s a selfish idiot. Been in this continuous cycle for 15 years and it has never even gotten better nevermind stopped. That includes a period of intensive rehab. Good luck whatever you decide xx

[danman83]

Ye I get sign up this Thursday. Cannot wait.. Are u from Bolton?

[dfh]

Yes originally, moved to near blackburn so still not far. Used to live near Astley Bridge. Did your move go OK?

[chezza123]

I know it’s easier said than done but do you want kids with this man? I have my kids from my previous relationship which just broke down naturally in time no drugs involved.Would I have wanted kids with the man I’m on:off with at present? No not at all because he is a pay day crack.k cocaine user. I thought he had it under control after behaving for 4 months but oh no. He’s off an has been for a week. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of ringing him whilst he’s on one ov these binges I just get on with my life but then as per the past two days comes the phone calls and begging it won’t happen again because he’s had enough now and could probably behave another 4 months. This is just my experience and is not the same as yours but I would want to have kids and settle down with someone who lives a normal life like yourself but I hope things work out for you whichever way you go I know I may sound cold but after 8 years off this only actually finding out 3 yrs ago what’s going on(how naive) I can’t help feel this way. Wishing you lots of love an hope you get what you’d looking for x

[dodo]

Hi Roo,

I agree with Dan, as hard as it is you need to leave this man.

It wasn’t his mates looking up prostitutes it was him. One of my best friends has done this sort of stuff to me trying to get me to take the blame for this kind of behaviour.

The more you forgive him the more he will think he can get away with it….you don’t deserve it.

The last think you want is a child with this Man, you need to leave him ASAP.

[reuth]

Hi Danman83

Can I ask what your decision was to stop and did you go to counselling yourself or did someone ask you to do it?

My partner has a problem and says he wants to stop and looks at doing it online then the next day it’s like nothing has happened and he doesn’t talk about it. I know the main problem is the people he mixes with and the sad thing is it is some of his family too.

[danman83]

Hiya reuth, quite a few things, one I realised I was an addict even though I didn’t use every day once a week to once every few week.

The come downs from it causing bad depression and suicidal thoughts. Spending x amount of money when it could of gone on my kids. The same vicious circle.

Also I started using it without alcohol. And I couldn’t go on a night out without it.

I did councilling and got 3month clean. But I joined CA in Jan and that’s the best thing to beat it. Connecting with other addicts or ex addicts and learn from then how they did it.

I wanted to do it for myself. I hate the stuff but when them thoughts come in to get some it’s hard. That’s why u ring another person up out the meetings and talk and it gets rid of your cravings.

You have to really want to quit if you want to. No 1 can force you to. You can go on at him all day. It won’t work, until he wants to.

You will be surprised who has it, there are doctors on the meetings with coke problems. It’s everywhere and one advice I would give someone. Is to never ever try it!

If he wants to stop he needs to limit the ways he can get it, and do new things in his life. Eat healthy. Cut everyone off who uses. Even family. Delete there nums, or get a new sim card.

Can’t drink alcohol ever again aswell as this is the main trigger to use also.

He needs to turn his life around with good honest values, stay fresh and positive, and meditate, and focus on new hobbies.

Feel free to ask me anything

[reuth]

Thank you so much for your reply, sounds like you are getting your life back on track, you must be so proud of yourself.

He said on Sunday that he was finished with it but now he says he is going to football this Saturday and I know where that leads. I really don’t know what it will take to turn it around

He’s just done a football coaching course which was his way of trying to be healthy and focusing on something else. I know for a fact he won’t cut off family, I’m sure it’s him who buys it for everyone.

I know he loves me but I think cocaine is a bigger love to be honest. He definitely needs to talk to a counsellor as he has issues from his past but I guess it needs to be his decision.

[danman83]

Yes I’m doing my best, and I can’t afford to relapse in my new place all alone. So I’ve got a load of decorating to keep me busy.

Football as in match with the lads including beer? Ye that’s gonna be messy. Lol.

He might buy it for everyone, but I guarantee you if they have it they will buy it themselves too. My problem was in the end I used it on my own in the house secretly, I’m not proud of myself. But my Councillor said because my nights out had stopped I was addicted already, and then when I was staying in I wanted coke.

My cousin was a bad example for me so I deleted his number.

There is a doctor called Dr gabor, you can see his videos on you tube, he has proved that addiction comes from child hood trauma. Can be something big to something little. This is why in CA We work the steps and 1 is resentments we’re we get the past off our chest and tell our sponsor. It’s a bit like counciling and it’s quite freeing and helps.

How old is he if you don’t mind me asking?

[reuth]

He is 38 and his cousins live within walking distance, I know how Saturday will turn out just now, he says he’ll be back after the game but he’ll disappear for hours.

Only solution I can see if he wants to get better is to move away, too many bad influences on our door step. Such a hard situation to be in.

[danman83]

Same age as me lol.

Ye that’s true, but coke is rife everywhere, it’s even in little villages. He will still able get it.

All he will need to see is some one selling it and ask them for some.

It will always follow him. The best thing is to cut people off and lead an honest and better life, and go to meetings and make new sober friends. I’ve met some great lads and gone for meals ect and wales together. And I trust them than my own mates. But I guess it’s what he wants to do at the end of the day.

[danman83]

Ahh I went to thornleigh school.

Ye I’m here now. Waiting for electrician to turn the electric on lol. But I’m still decorating, I have 2 week off work now, so just getting on with it. Every room needs doing. But it keeps me busy. Everything just seems to be falling in to place. So I cant afford to balls it up lol

[danman83]

Ahh I went to thornleigh school.

Ye I’m here now. Waiting for electrician to turn the electric on lol. But I’m still decorating, I have 2 week off work now, so just getting on with it. Every room needs doing. But it keeps me busy. Everything just seems to be falling in to place. So I cant afford to balls it up lol

[dfh]

Think I’ve posted twice too ????

[dfh]

Is that the one near the old cotton mill or am I thinking sharples? I’m sure you will get it all sorted, if you need anything just shout – I’m literally over the hill! And I work in Bolton anyway. You will get settled in and it will give you something to focus on too which is good.

[danman83]

Think that’s sharples lol thanks for that. My front room is completed now..im sleeping on the sofa now. I’ve got a big u sofa. A new 65 inch TV and I’m in my element haha. Just have to be careful now and not over think too much. And keep myself busy. Have a good weekend,

[dfh]

Lol! It’s the only school I know in Astley Bridge so was a guess. Yes, stay busy! Lol! I’m sure you will be just fine, sounds like you are making good progress anyway! Baby steps as they say – don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You have a good weekend too and as I said if you need an ear just shout. X

[icarus-trust]

Hi Roo,

So sorry to hear what you are going through with your partner’s cocaine habit. I’m glad that you have found this forum where people are so good at being supportive to one another.

If you would like any other help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people having to deal with addiction in their family. We have trained and experienced family Friends who you could talk with if you get in touch which might help you to see a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[hellosmee]

I went on your website and it says you provide support for uniformed services and their families, not the general public?

[Author]

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