[rolty123]

I just don’t know what to do next. My husband is an alcoholic but is in denial of this. He is also depressed which he does admit but won’t take the step to get help for. I have been with him for 21 years and he has always enjoyed a drink, but now he gets up in the morning and instead of going for a coffee I hear the ring pull go on a can of lager. He’s self employed but isn’t working a lot at the moment and we are getting more and more into debt. He’salways been such a lovely person but is becoming a shadow of himself and I’m struggling to see what to do next – I can’t do anything if he doesn’t accept he needs support. I find both empty and full cans of lager hidden all over the house. I have tried to speak to him a number of times but he gets defensive when I raise it. I have tried to encourage him to seek help from the gp or a counsellor for his depression but he won’t go and he wont tell me the barriers or triggers to this. He is totally shutting himself off to everyone except me and Iam now feeling suffocated. I can’t go to the toilet without him asking where I’m going. He calls me all sorts of profanities in rhe evening/night but then can’t remember this the next morning.

Yesterday we were invited to a friends house for a bbq to see a couple of friends who had come down and we havent seen since pre covid. I had been out shopping in the morning and my husband must have had more to drink while I was out than I realised because within a couple of cans of lager at their house he was totally inebriated. He refused to eat anything even though encouraged and wet himself because he couldn’t get the the toilet on time. We only live a 5 minute walk from their house but it took 40 minutes to get home. I had to carry him home because he couldn’t stand which was a struggle; thank goodness he isn’t a big man but he felt like a lead weight. He was shouting and swearing on rhe way home. He needed to urinate and did it against a tree then slipped and sat in it. He was yeĺling I had pushed him when I hadnt. I spent the whole time panicking that someone was going to call the police there was so much noise. We finally got home and I struggled to manage holding him and getting the key in the lock. In the house he fell and hit his head on the stairs and said I’d hit him. I spent all night checking on him because I was scared he’d vomit and choke on it. I feel exhausted and don’t know how much longer I can do this for.

I feel so alone and like I’m going mad.

[kulstar]

Hey Rolty123. Sad to hear about your situation.

Truth is he won’t change unless there are consequences it seems. Your love, as well intended as it is creates a safe space for your hubby to selfishly behave the way he does. As long as he feels safe with you around he’ll continue.

None of this is your fault, always always remember this. Until he sees the error of his ways he won’t change. He’ll most likely blame you for the reason why he drinks which is completely irrational. All mind inducing substances (alcohol being one) will numb his emotions.

You don’t deserve this life but if he knows you’ll always pick up the pieces then the vicious circle will continue.

It’s hard to say but he needs consequence to make a change. What that looks like is not for me to decide.

Keep smiling as hard as it may seem…

[Author]

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