[joanie59]

I have posted before but I’m struggling to navigate this forum

I find myself trapped by my alcoholic sons behavior

This has been going on for ever

But has reach a new level

He’s is neglecting himself not washing not eating

Ended up in hospital again but for the first time I didn’t come I live 150 miles away and wouldn’t have been able to visit if I did come

Plus I am totally exhausted with it

They kept him in for a week with all kinds of digestive problems

And in spite of me emailing and ringing to say he should be kept in or put somewhere they discharged him

And of course he just started drinking again

After a few days his

heart rate was 160 beats per minute

So he call himself an ambulance but they checked him out and sent him home

Eventually I had to come he was so out of it

I had to dress him and wash him and get him to the gp for help

He looked worse than someone living on the street

We were an hour in the surgery

Dr gave him some diazepam and anti sickness pills

And made an urgent referral to the mental health team

I sat up with him all night

I’m sure most people on this forum know the drill

Retching and diahorea not eating confused

He started to eat about 4 days later

In pain and now with the shakes

12 days later we are on a better level

He had his first counseling session yesterday

Not from the new referral but from somewhere he was referred to last June

Why is it so hard to get help

Has anyone asked how I am ?

No

I’m 69 and not in great health myself

So I now have the prospect of taking him home for Christmas

When he is fit to travel

I’m trying to do my Christmas shopping

Wrap and post presents to family I won’t be able to visit because I’m here

I just want this nightmare to stop

How can I leave him

Joanie59

[lindyloo]

Hi Joanie thank you for sharing your story. I think we spoke before in your last message.

I’m sorry to see that your son’s situation with addiction has not improved- you must be exhausted.

Have you contacted any other groups for support? One of the other mums here mentioned Drugfam who were very supportive and also the Icarus trust posts here too with help and advice.

I really sympathise with you, there are other mums with sons with addictions who post on the Theresa thread. They are all so kind and sympathetic despite having their own issues to deal with.

I’ll post a message on the thread and it will be more current for you to join it.

In the meantime please look after your own health and well-being.

Take care ❤

Lx

[joanie59]

Hi Lindyloo

Thank you for your suggestions

He has been given a few numbers for support groups but he put them out of sight in the drawer and the madness continues

I can’t ask him about them until his physical health improves

He won’t drink while I’m here with him

We have been out today I left him getting a flu jab and nipped to the post office

When I came back he wasn’t there

My first thought was buying drink

But he was in a card shop buying a birthday card for his dad who has never helped him

I’m living on High alert all the time

He’s has also bought items to fill a hamper for the neighbour who sat with waiting for his last ambulance

I will be lucky to get a Christmas card from him

Its so hard being with a someone that cares so little for me or himself really

But has to try to save face and pretend

He’s some perfect person

Sorry for the rant

I feel so unimportant to everyone

I feel like doing a

Reggie Perrin leaving my clothes on a beach and disappearing

I don’t even like him I’m here out of misplaced duty and fear of what he will do if I’m not here

Thank you for replying

I hope thing are ok for you

Joanie

[lindyloo]

Hi Joanie, the contact groups I gave to you, were for you to contact. I think you need these groups to help you through this difficult time . You shouldn’t have to face it alone.

Is there a close friend or relative you can confide in? At the moment I’m concerned about you.

Please seek support with these groups. Your son, like mine, is a grown man who has made these choices. He doesn’t mean to hurt you, this evil addiction makes them selfish and nasty, turns them into people we don’t know anymore.

It’s totally down to him when he makes his choice to seek help.

The AA fellowship are brilliant and so supportive. My son thankfully is 6 months clean, he couldn’t have done it without them.

He’s had to cut off from his friends who drink and it’s only the fellowship guys he sees now.

He can’t even have one drink, or it’s back to the nightmare of that vicious circle of one bad thing after another.

Please stay strong Joanie, seek advice from Drugfam or Icarus trust. Look after yourself first and foremost.

Lx ❤

[lindyloo]

Also, if you scroll up and see the heading “share your story ” you’ll see the Theresa thread. There are so many mums going through the same or similar issues with there sons. When you read the stories you’ll know that you’re not alone.

Lx

[joanie59]

Hi lindyloo

Thank you for your kind words

I know I’m not ok

Family and friends have become fed up with me

They all say I have to let him get on with it as he’s is killing me

It’s beyond me to explain how I feel to them as they don’t understand

I have a long term partner

Im here with my son and he had normal stuff to do at home so I stayed here

Resentful that he left me to deal with it

And resentment has now turned to anger

He due back here tomorrow but to be honest is more pressure having him here

Our relationship is good but I don’t think it can survive this

Could be a difficult weekend

I will try to find a support group

I did go to Alanon but couldn’t take the religious side of it

Thank you again

Hope you are ok

[lindyloo]

Hi Joanie

Family and friends will never know what it’s like to live with a loved one with addictions.

My son is doing okay but it’s still walking on eggshells when he’s around and looking over my shoulder.

Hope you have a peaceful weekend. Go online to Drugfam, I’ve heard they are very supportive.

Take care

Lx

[debc]

Hi Joanie59,

Sorry you are going through this with your Son, but you have come to the right place to get good advice and great people who will always be here to help when you want to rant.

Lindyloo has given great advice and look on the Theresa thread, it’s so good to know we are not on our own.

Your right when you say people don’t understand unless they are living the never ending nightmare too. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

Your Son sounds a good person and kind. If only they could see what they are doing to not only themselves but us too.

My Son is also an Addict alcohol and cocaine. He’s had a good week but by the look of him this morning he has let himself down once again. I am at the stage where I don’t really know what to say to him anymore, but instead of getting angry, I just try to be normal (whatever that is), by getting angry it just puts me in a place where I don’t want to be, so the housework is getting done very quickly today.

Please know that you are not on your own, take time for yourself and keep in touch on here.

Dx

[februarymarie]

Hello Joanie59, Lindyloo let me know about you over here on this thread. You have no idea how similar our stories are. I too, have an adult alcoholic son. My story is your story as well. Mine has been going on for 10 years with my son, and I can bet that we share many of the same things. I too, have felt like running away, or sometimes even wishing I weren’t around. I don’t have a death wish or anything, I just wanted the pain to stop.

Recently, I had to stop talking to my son because he’s really awful when he’s drinking and he takes it out on me. He also was recently in the hospital initially for Covid and then stayed to detox. He also has not been interested in any outside help. We’re currently in communication, by text. I haven’t seen him physically in months. He also lets himself go when he drinks, and he’s fallen and hurt himself numerous times.

I do know that the toll that this takes on us moms, is tremendous and you do not deserve to be destroyed by this. None of us do. Your loved ones need you and your partner needs you too.

I really would love to see you transition over to the Theresa thread. You could skip to the very last 5-10 pages (it’s a very long thread, but worth reading if you are able) or so and you will see a group of women who are struggling just as you are, but have solace in one another.

Here’s how to join the Theresa thread- go to the home page of this forum. Up in the left corner, click on Forum Home and then scroll all the way down to the title “Share your Story” and the Theresa thread is the very top one, then click on that.

It will really help. Sometimes, if you do your own individual thread, it eventually goes quiet and the Theresa thread is very active with several “regulars” including me, and as you know, our problems are continuous…

I hope to see you there. And I hope you that can find some rest today for yourself, you deserve it- you matter. ????

[joanie59]

Hi February Marie

It’s great to be heard on this site

I do feel invisible mist of the time

My partner came back yesterday

We had a reasonable day

My son cooked and we managed to get some Christmas presents wrapped and packed ready to take to the post office

My son helped us with this which was ok

He’s not drinking and I know he won’t while I’m with him

I’ve told my partner that I can’t go on trying to live in two places

And him being here is putting me under too much pressure

Not sure of the consequences of that but felt it had to be said

We are going home with my son next week

He has spoken to his dad and told him everything which is a first

And has said he will go and see him while he is at ours

I will read threasa thread

Many thanks for your kind words

Joanie

[lindyloo]

Hi Joanie

I’m glad to see that you had a good day with your son yesterday. We had to celebrate these successes no matter how big or small – at least it’s positive.

I see Debc and February Marie have replied to you, they are lovely ladies who always offer support and advice, even although they are going through difficulties in their own lives.

Stay in touch , join the Theresa thread, we are all pretty much in the same boat, except our sons are at different stages. But we are all very aware what a person with addiction can do to an otherwise loving, caring family.

Take care Joanie

Lx

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