[q18]

Hi guys, how’s everybody? I’m new here and I’m really lookin forward on hearing your inputs and advises.

Please excuse my ignorance. My boyfriend doesn’t drink everyday but when he does on a weekend, he drinks like there’s no tomorrow. He doesn’t know when to stop and he is very difficult to deal with.

He talks about random stuff I don’t even know if it exist. The next day makes it even more complicated. He just stays in bed sleeping and moody, it takes 2 days sometimes.

I hope I can hear some input and advice. I really can’t just sit here and watch him like this. It hurts me too. I really care about this person.

[mo229]

Hi Q18,

I’m in no way an expert, but it does sound like your boyfriend maybe in the early stages of alcoholism. It almost sounds like he is escaping from depression which is why he doesn’t stop on the weekend, but the fact he has a hard time recovering almost sounds like he goes through serious withdrawals. With any addict, when they drink/do drugs, it changes the chemicals in their brain so as soon as they are in the grip of it, they change into different people and they struggle with the come down after, so they use again.

When me and my ex partner first got together 4 years ago, he just used to drink at the weekend like every other 22 year old so didn’t think anything of it. I noticed he started drinking more and more during the week, and then someone offered him cocaine one night (which I had no idea about), and then that was it…he became addicted in a matter of months. He has only got clean a year ago and has recently relapsed, which has just caused him a sudden change in personality and for him to break up with me suddenly. He is depressed also, and when he spoke about in whilst he was clean, he said that he always had to have some kind of fix in order to feel ‘nothing’, if you know what I mean.

I’m sorry to ramble, but I think he could be struggling with a few things and like the feeling drinking gives him, to an extent we can’t comprehend. Maybe just sit down and have a chat with him, saying you’ve noticed he drinks a lot at the weekend and that you’re worried, but in a non defensive way. I hope for you, he sorts out whatever is going on before it is too late and he resorts to other things or effects you more. One thing I’ve learnt from this forum is that no matter how much we hurt for them, we can’t control their actions and we can’t help them, only they can do that. Be supportive, but when he starts to take the piss, I would suggest weighing up your options. I’ve only just started to see that after being constantly worrying about my partner for 4 years, I’m 28 and have a life to live and can’t spend it worrying about someone elses actions. I hope this is somewhat comforting to you xxx

[q18]

Hi Mo27. Thank you for this. It really helps. I’ve been thinking about withdrawal you mentioned. For sure his alcohol consumption is less since the quarantine.

To be honest, I’m too afraid to do the talk though I know it’s necessary. He’s very defensive in everything but I’ll definitely going to do it. Thank you again.

[lucy19]

Sounds very much like my fiance. He can have a drink somedays and be fine another time he turns. he doesn’t drink everyday but when he does he’s the same, he doesn’t know when to stop.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Q18

Thanks for posting,

Perhaps you would like some support for yourself in this situation. If so please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with the addictive behaviours of a partner. We have trained people you could talk with which might help you to find answers to some of your questions.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that this helps. Good luck.

[Author]

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