[krissykris]

hey, I’d really like to talk to someone I can relate to, or can relate to me, for advice and support, anything would be greatly appreciated. I’m a 21 year old woman and my father is a herion addict, im not sure how it all started as i was too young, im not sure when hes clean or not as I don’t see him often enough. my mum split from my dad when I was 3, and she never let him know where we lived. I pinned for him for years and years, demanding my mum call him, consistantly asking for him,calling him myself (often with no reaponse) only seeing him very occasionaly, maybe once every few years. eventually when I was 11 my mum told me my dad was on herion. and it was the most painful thing still to this day I’d ever heard. because you know when loved ones pass away theres sometimes almost a kind of peacefulness, and you can fully comprehend why they’re no longer with you. whereas having someone you love soo much who loves you soo much being absent because of something like drug addiction its hard to find peace and it doesn’t stop hurting. I hated him for years. I’m sorry to say I wished he was dead at points when I was younger because then I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there, why he couldn’t just stop the drugs and love me back, be my dad, because honestly despite how young I was, i really fought to have contact with him. and the lack of fight in return I took as a rejection and i just really didn’t take it well. It’s very different today, I don’t hate my dad, I don’t wishhe was dead. I look at the lack of the quality of life he’s had, and how he’s never made anything of himself despite being a smart artistic individual and it just makes me feel heart broken and I want to encourage and support him to a better, happier quality of life. last I saw him was a few months ago and it pains me to see how much he’s hurting. I thought he was clean and id been calling him for emotional support as I was having big personal problems and he really really did help me with advice. but when I saw him his pupils were very restricted, he was sweating quite profoundly after spending a few hours with me, when I call him over the past few weeks hes been asleep or in bed mid day and his speech is very slurred. he also makes up silly lies. I love him. I regret being such a little bitch at times when I was younger. I owe it to my smart funny loving dad to at least try and support and help him. but I need to know what shall I do? how can I tell for sure he’s back on it? how can I speak to him about it? should I speak to him about it? is there any organisations that can help and or advise me? does anyone have any advice or tips? thanks if anybody did read.

[lulu]

Hi there, I read your post and just had to comment. I can’t completely relate to you as it’s my ex partner that’s the addict and not one of my parents. but when I read your post it made me so sad as we have children together and I worry so much about the effect all this has on them, and will continue to have as they grow up. Firstly let me say you sound like an intelligent level headed lovely young woman and your dad is very lucky to have a daughter like you 🙂 Quite honestly if he is using again, and from my experiences it does sound like he may be, there isn’t a whole lot you can do for him. After many years of trying to help my ex you eventually come to realise that an addict really will only get better, and stay that way, if they honestly truly want to. All you can do is be there for him if he needs it, an ear if he needs to talk that sort of thing. You could confront him, he may tell you the truth he may lie. You can offer to help him find support if he wants it through things like Addaction, a rehab clinic, the gp. but then it’s up to him. Sometimes we have to just accept that this is the hand we were dealt. Your dad may never be ‘normal’, but just let him know you love him and are there for him and hopefully he can get back on track and continue to be a support to you like you said he was a while back and be the best dad to you that he is able to be. He sounds like a lovely person, despite his addiction. My ex is also very intelligent and artistic and loves his children to bits. There are lots of dads out there who don’t even have an addiction and are absolutely useless fathers who couldn’t give a stuff about their kids. Remember that. and do not ever feel bad for the way you felt, acted, things you might have said when you were younger, it is such a lot to cope with and they are completely normal things to go through when someone you love is an addict.

[dee]

My God I feel for you I am going through this with 2 sons, believe me you cant help him, I have been trying for years. they have to want the help, my sons don’t want the help yet. Its just a constant battle, I really feel for you, I have 2 sons addicted to crack and I cant do anything about it. Its a struggle, but I know we cant keep giving because that is not helping in the long run its just enabeling them. I have tried everything, no I feel my life is not my own, every day revolves around them. “Mum I have no electric, no gas, no food, can you lend me!” you have to say no. I will buy them a little food but I wont give them money. Be cruel to be kind.

[jb1958]

Hi Dee thankyou for replying. I found out today that he stole from his girlfriends nan, they came round to tell me, and are calling the police. My whole world is falling apart. I love him so much. I want to run away with him but know that is not the right thing to do. It is just the most painful.

[jane2504]

Try to stay strong and try to concentrate on other things. Thats the only way I survive with my three girls. I am constantly telling myself that they are making the choice to do what they do. Parents are supposed to die for their children but mine cant NOT take drugs even knowing their babies are suffering and the youngest has even lost her boy forever. I’m not allowed to see him either but I’m still glad he is having a good life with his father and his fathers family. Children should come first but my children put themselves first. They are adults making decisions to put everyone through this stress. They wouldn’t die if they didn’t do it! Pure selfishness and they try to put the guilt on us! I feel for you.xx

[cant-take-no-more]

As parents we want to fix things for our kids..but drugs is a whole different ball game…. The lies, the thieving, is their sheer desperation in wanting to get their choice of drug…..stop enabling them because it’s their choice in what they do not the parents… I stopped enabling my son after 4 years of thinking I could help..the only thing I did was add to his problem….be strong and stick to it….xx

[icarus-trust]

How horrible for you! Try to remember that how he behaves isn’t your fault and that he has to take responsibility for himself! I am sorry that you don’t feel you know where to turn so I hope that you might try contacting our charity called The Icarus Trust. We work with people like you who are having to cope with the effect of somebody else’s addiction because we know how hard that is. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’. These are trained volunteers who you could talk with. They have lots of experience of supporting people like yourself and may be it would help you not to feel so alone.
Please contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service so I hope you will give it a try and will find that it helps.
Good luck!

[icarus-trust]

Hi Lisa Jane,

I am sorry to hear about your brother and to read how worried you are about him. I wonder if you would like to talk with someone who has experience of what you are feeling. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports people who are having to deal with a family member’s addiction. We have people called ‘Family Friends’ who are trained and experienced. May be talking to one of them in confidence will help you to begin to see a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
This is a free service. I hope that you can get some help.

[cant-take-no-more]

Oh god, feel for you..please, never think it’s your fault because it isn’t….and how sad your little boy had to go school after this…look after you and your son..your partner is a grown up and CHOOSES to treat you this way….weed is a horrible drug and those who use it regularly can become paranoid, lethargic,and argumentative…..you don’t have to put up with it Hunni….stay safe and concentrate on you and your son…perhaps in a quieter moment, ask I’d he needs help or support….take care x

[lostlady]

Hi there

He has said a few times he would call lifeline and receive help to stop smoking, but that has never happened. After these episodes whe. He has another smoke he calms down and sees the error of his ways but I am so scared what will happen now. He is asleep as he is working tonight and I am worried of the way he will be. I love him but I also hate him and I hate that he has such a selfish addiction. He says he smokes because of me and that he can’t cope with me sober. He will not recognise or take responsibility. I have done this year after year. I dread the day my son may come across what he is really doing

[cant-take-no-more]

Addiction of any kind is horrible.it robs the person of a normal life….unfortunately until he’s ready then nothing anyone says will mean anything….my son has a son, and was a selfish tw@, thankfully he hit his rock bottom and in recovery…it’s hard hun, but like I said when it starts effecting your little boy, you may need to re think what is best for the both of you…take care Hunni xxxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Shermie,
Thank you for posting. I am sorry that you are feeling isolated and don’t have anyone to talk with about your husband’s drinking.
I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity who have a team of Family Friends, one of whom could be assigned to you to listen and help you to find help.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps.

[jb1958]

Thank you all for your feedback _ everyone has a story and it is so sad. I am strong, I know that, and will get through it. Think the whole thing of being caught and confronted has kicked in an emotion I haven’t seen for a long time in him. ‘Shame’. He actually returned the item of jewelry to them, and sat with them to explain why he did it. He admitted the debts, the addiction, how scared he was, and took himself to the doctors. He has asked for help. I am under no illusion here but it is a first. He has a baby daughter he adores, and may lose her think that really shook him. We live in hope. I told him I will walk beside him but not for him. He needs to always take the first step toward help. Not through me, nor for me but for himself. God bless to everyone here, much love and hugs. We all need that x

[icarus_trust]

Wow, you are an incredible and strong woman. Sounds like you are on the road and I really hope it remains that way, even though it is going to be a long road. If you want any additional help or advice, even someone to speak to, The Icarus Trust is a charity with trained people to help you in any way possible. They do so much and I think they may be able to help you further in one way or another. You can just email them at info@icarustrust.org or their website is http://www.icarustrust.org.
I wish you all the best for you family and their road to recovery.

[icarus-trust]

This is really hard for you but there are people who can help. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We try to support people like yourself who are dealing with addiction in their family because we know how difficult that is. We offer a free service and if you contact us we would put you in touch with one of our trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’. These have lots of experience of talking with people like yourself, would understand what you are going through and, hopefully, help you to see a way ahead and what other help might be available to you and your family.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you are able to get some help for yourself and your dad. Good luck!

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey hanna, sorry it’s taken me a while to reply….you truly are a brave girl…have you thought about getting support for yourself and mum? Even your other siblings? There are many groups out there who don’t ask questions, but are there to listen, help you through things etc…..hope this helps …hugs xxx

[bobb]

This is very unhelpful nonsense which sadly may put some people off finding help. Shame on you for posting such dangerous and irresponsible rubbish.
Adfam please remove this junk.

[Author]

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