[klou]

My husband of 12 years has always liked a drink but no more than any of his friends/colleagues etc. Before lockdown he’d have a couple of alcohol free days and the other week days he’d drink maybe 5 pints, then pretty heavy at the weekend. Since we went into lockdown, he’s been drinking a least 7 pints a day, every day (more at weekends). He often falls asleep on the settee by about 8pm, around the time the kids go to bed so we don’t ever get any quality time together. He will not have the conversation with me about him having a problem. It ends in an argument and him accusing me of being controlling and nagging. His reasoning is that he can’t possibly have a problem because he gets up and works from 7am in the morning and he has a very technical job which he does no problem and doesn’t have a hangover. He is very active and even at weekends, does loads of exercise, ‘burning off the alcohol’ in his eyes. He never starts drinking until late afternoon in the week, mid afternoon at the weekend, always doing all his jobs first and this is how he justifies it to himself. So he’s drinking average 50 pints a week (always beer, never spirits) and I worry so much about the state of his insides and the health risks. How can I deal with this and get him to understand he needs to slow down before he really makes himself ill.

[bt1978]

Hey Klou.

I have been sober since 2008 so know a little about alcoholism and how it works so to speak.

People often go by the amount, but the truth of the matter is that really its whether you can stop – which it sounds judging by what you wrote, your husband can’t. That said 50 pints a week is a huge amount to be putting away – I’m no doctor but at some stage that will have a serious impact on his health.

The other impact is of course on you and the kids where his alcohol consumption is affecting relationships it seems?

I should also take into account that lockdown is affecting people in so many ways negatively, perhaps this has opened up the underlying problem even more

Before I sobered up I had a pre conceived notion of what an alcoholic was – which was basically a homeless guy on a bench drinking turps. The reality is actually far different. I myself have always been employed in the city, played sports and did the gym but had no control over how much and often I drank. I now know I was in complete denial – so much so I couldn’t see the damage I was doing to myself and everyone I came into contact with. I only accepted it after hitting rock bottom and being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

The challenge is that unless your husband recognises that problem and wants to get help, or change, then you will likely find that you just end up butting heads. I know I blamed everyone else before I sorted myself out as I didn’t want to admit it or face it.

The good news is that if he does get to that stage there are a ton of self help groups online right now where he can listen and perhaps get identification with other people in the same boat. There are also groups that help families of alcoholics also.

I’m being super careful here not to diagnose him btw – I believe the person themselves has to do that part.

Hope that makes some sense

[Author]

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