[zoeg]

Hi everyone

Seems a silly question but my partner takes coke once or maybe twice a week. He doesn’t think this is a problem because he manages to not take it in between.

But – he can’t NOT go without even though it’s only once or twice a week. He takes about 1 gram each time in one night and uses it on his own.

I want him to stop but he doesn’t think it’s an issue – I’d really appreciate peoples thoughts on this as he makes me feel I’m being naive saying, ‘everyone does it’.

[zoeg]

Just bumping this up in the hope someone can give their take on this

[lindyloo]

Hi ZoeG, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with an addiction in one way or another. There are also people in recovery offering support and advice.

I’m no expert although my son is currently in early recovery from alcohol and cocaine addictions.

He thinks he should just be able to give it up, but cocaine is a very addictive drug, it leaves you wanting more.

Read Danman83 posts, he too believed he could take or leave it, but every day is a battle for people in recovery.

I personally think he should quit before it gets out of hand as it can wreck a family’s/partner’s life.

It WILL become an issue for both of you. The CA fellowship groups are a great support, they are the only ones who have helped my son stop and stay clean.

The situation can change very quickly, he could run into debt, lose his job. Please try to get him to nip it in the bud before this happens.

Help and support is there if he’s will to accept he has a problem.

Good luck and keep in touch here.

Lx

[zoeg]

Sorry Lindyloo, I missed your reply. He’s been doing it for about 20 yrs. I’ve known him for less than a year so he’s an old hand at this. He keeps saying he needs stability and for us to live together for him to quit.

I want him to quit BEFORE we live together – am I being harsh?

[lindyloo]

My son has been addicted to alcohol and cocaine for 10 + years. Only in the last 2 years has he admitted it was a problem and wanted help. He’s had a few relapses but currently over 6 months clean.

Seeing what it does to a family, it is not a life I would choose for anyone. You’re not being harsh, he needs to kick this evil drug into touch for you to have a healthy, happy relationship.

It’s only my opinion Zoe, but I’d think very carefully before he puts that ring on your finger.

Lx

[lookingforhope]

Hi ZoeG

I have no personal experience with drug use, but my partner is in recovery from cocaine abuse. So in my experience, I would say yes. It is possible not to use everyday and still be addicted.

It’s about not being able to stop or to be able to contemplate stopping, even when it’s damaging their life.

Cocaine is an evil drug which messes with your brain. It uses up all your dopamine, which makes it hard to find joy in things except using.

If I were you, I would talk to your partner about seeking help from AA or CA groups. See if he wants to get help now before it gets worse.

It’s a horrible and scary position to be in, because a lot of people think that they aren’t addicts because their life isn’t completely ruined. But that’s honestly the way it will be without intervention.

I hope this helps you, and keep coming on here as it has helped me feel less alone in this

[zoeg]

I forgot to ask Lookingforhope – how is your partner doing now?

[lookingforhope]

My partner has just got his 9 month chip, but it’s not something that I take for granted anymore. It’s scary for everyone involved because relapse is so common.

If I’m being completely honest, it isn’t the lifestyle that I would have chosen for myself but we’re trying to make things work.

I would definitely suggest sticking to your boundaries with living together. It’s definitely not harsh, you need to be clear for yourself what you are willing to put up with

[zoeg]

Thanks Lookingforhope

That has been useful and I have had discussions with him about stopping – he’s not been able to. He even seems to be buying a higher quantity from his dealer (moved from a gram to an 8th of an Oz).

I’ve mentioned this forum and getting professional help but he won’t do it. He just says everyone does it and he can do his job (he’s self employed and very much makes up his own hours) so isn’t an addict

[danielleterri]

Hey Zoe I wondered if you ever got any answers from this? I could’ve written your post and I’m worried x

[jamesb]

Hi ladies, I hope you’re both okay.

To answer your question simply, Yes. You can be addicted to a substance (or anything infact) without it being every day. There is a common misconception that a drug addict is someone who is daily using and often a down and out type person but I can assure you addicts and particularly cocaine addicts come from all walks of life and can range from doctors and successful business owners to the scaffolds and builders who are in the pub at 3pm everyday after their graft.

I would guess the reason why your partner says he doesn’t have a problem or addiction yet is because he hasn’t yet come to the point where the negative effects of cochineal addiction have effected him enough that he has wanted to stop and realised that he can’t. Bare in mind no one ever sets out with the intention of becoming an addict and always starts out as harmless fun can very easily turn into fun-less harm.

Cocaine use in relationships can be a very hard thing to manage because often the user will have a completely different view of their situation than their partner. The partner of the user may be concerned about their use as someone who doesn’t do it themselves and is fully aware of the fact it is illegal and can also easily become a problem and does not want their loved one to continue using. Whilst the user will normally not see it as a big deal and will protest that it isn’t an issue.

I’m not here to say that your partner will end up facing the problem full blown addiction brings but I for one wish I could go back in time to when I still had a choice and tell myself about the harsh reality of what I was doing. Equally this forum will tell you everything you need to know about the pain of being a long tm partner of someone who uses.

 

As hard as it is, (and my opinion on this has changed over the past few years) I belive now that if you are not happy with your partner doing drugs and they are not willing to stop then the ealier you remove yourself from the situation the better. For 1, if a person respects you and your wishes for them to stop they should act on them and at least try to make changes. Of they do then please do everything you can to support them as no one who has not experienced addiction will ever understand how hard it is to get sober but the second reason is that if your partner continues to use, the damage to them, you and your relationship will only build.

I hope your partner is strong enough to step away from the gear and please do everything you can to support him but the most important thing you need to do is safeguard yourself and mak sure that your needs and happiness is your number 1 priority.

 

Feel free to ask me anything or even read back some of my old posts as I don’t get as much time to come on here these days.

 

All the best

James x

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