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I’m sorry that I don’t have any great advice but please don’t think you’ve caused her to drink.
My addict partner does this – he says I cause him to use. Reality is, he uses when I’m not there and basically when he chooses to (which has been daily) so it’s nothing to do with me. They just use that excuse to control and throw the blame on you to make themselves feel temporarily better by imagining it’s someone else’s fault. It’s their responsibility.
Your wife can only get better if she realises she has a problem that she wishes to fix. Unfortunately, we cannot make the addicts in our lives want to do this or successfully achieve sobriety even if they want to. We can only be there for them and that’s a choice we have to make based upon knowing that we don’t have any control over it… so in my case, and after a long time dealing with his drug addiction/drinking/heavy smoking, I can’t live with mine anymore and I’m currently trying to move out with our child. If I’m going to be there for my partner it will be from a distance. I have to take care of me and our child first.
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