[stephie86]

Does anyone else feel like being with a loved one with addiction makes you act or react in ways you never dreamt was possible inside of you! I am quite an understanding person usually, but this has changed who I am and turned me crazy or so I feel.

I get told all the time other people don’t react with me in the way you do and they just love and care for me

I feel like I’m a bad person because I can’t stay calm with all the destruction around me.

I feel like I’m becoming someone I’m not…but now question is this who I am!?

And no accountability is taken for how I react, I have said some really horrible things and know they would hurt my now ex partner and now all I can think of is how bad I have been

[shithappens]

Hi Stephie, living with another person who has an addiction is like living with a kind and loving, evil and hurtful person at the same time. In alcoholism it’s the ism bit that the non addict succumbs to, we shout and swear, lash out and lie just as the addict does. In alcoholism family member groups say, you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. Also some say or think of it as a disease. On the acceptance that it’s a disease (or a lifestyle choice- as some say) it’s inevitable that it will spread or infect us. Attitudes and how we react change for the worst, and as they alcoholic denies everything we begin to overlook, hide or blame the other for changing or “making” us react in a way that we know is wrong.

First step to recovery of the alcoholic or addict is acceptance of their problem. As a family member first step to healing is becoming aware that we ourselves have been affected. Infected.

The only person accountable for what’s said and done is the person who says or does it. I’m accountable to myself as you are to yourself.

One moto is, to thine own self be true… used in AA groups and Alanon etc, it’s about looking honestly at yourself and finding coping strategies for feelings emotions and reactions..

I have been to self help groups where just listening to others share their stories are very very similar to mine. Addicts/alcoholics recover but family members need to heal. Alanon 12 step (or other) is a useful starting point I found which made me aware of the bits I didn’t like about myself and offered some “suggestions”, ideas to change. Having been hurt and sharing with others who get it, knowing they understand what you’re on about when you can’t explain but just waffle, is something which takes a lot of weight off one’s shoulders. Learning to love and forgive yourself is harder than forgiving the other, but heal one does,, one day at a time.. courage and wisdom to you ????

[stephie86]

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. You are completely right in, it’s my own responsibility and accountability of how I act and only I can change that.

I allow

My Emotions to become too powerful and react in ways that I wouldn’t want to and don’t like about myself.

Thank you for giving me such a different perspective

[Author]

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