[stanbhoy]

I have been sniffing cocaine for 20 years not every day in those 20years but most days about 4 days using it 3 days using opiates to try help the crash I am a father of 4 and a grandfather of 1 I feel so so guilty and worthless that I am picking this habit before my real responsibility of putting my family before my habit I really hate this addiction and it’s like a shadow that’s always with me I need to make it disappear forever but it’s so so hard to shift it follows me everywhere I am a working man I provide for my family but providing isn’t enough because I need cocaine to do the basic things like go to work have energy to do activities with my family that to me isn’t right I know it’s not I keep hearing the voice in my head saying that I need cocaine when I know my heart is telling me not to but I keep following my head instead of my heart it’s took over my financial situation it’s ravaged my nose I get bad headaches I feel depressed I can’t get a good appetite it’s just destroying me I know that I admit that I need help but finding help is not easy when you have difficulty leaving the bubble you are trapped inside what man at 40years old asks for help a man that knows it’s time to get that help I am looking for advice from anyone who understands my situation as I have never opened up until now thanks

[maz82]

A man that asks another person for help is a brave man 🙂

Admitting your addiction to yourself is the first step, admitting it to someone else is the next one. Please please please speak to people <3

There is resource and tools out there to help you, but you have to take advantage of them and follow the advice that your given. You will only be able to do that if you really want to give it up. It will likely involve changing your lifestyle, where you go, who you associate with etc. Ask yourself if you're prepared to do that. If the answer is yes then you're ready to change... the next step is speaking to someone...

[lindyloo]

Hi Stanbhoy ,welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story here.

I agree with Maz, you have taken the first difficult step by admitting you have a problem and want support. That’s big step in the right direction!

My 29 yr son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, the alcohol triggers the need for cocaine. He reached out for help a couple of years ago. He joined AA and CA groups and attends regular meetings. The fellowship guys are so supportive and understand what you’re going through. You work a 12 step program with a sponsor, and someone is always there for you .

I’m proud to say that he is currently 10 months clean. He initially had some relapses, and been through some difficult times, but he says his meetings are his medicine.

You can get through this my friend, but you need the support from these groups. You can get through this, get back to your job in a barbers and live your life again. Your family will be so happy to see you free from this evil drug, it will be so worth it, but first and foremost, do it for you.

Read Jamesb or Danman83 posts, they are guys in early recovery, just scroll back a bit.

Stay strong

Lx ❤️

[lindyloo]

Sorry for confusion..Maz brother works in a barbers. But I’m sure you’ll find work again when you’re ready.

Lx

[ash2013]

Hi, I didnt want to read and run, because you have been so brave posting!

There are people on here better placed to answer, rather than partners of addicts (my husband was a coke addict) But it is possible to stop, with support of your family, a change in lifestyle and determination.

My husband is late 40’s and used for about 20 years on and off, mostly on, started socially then got a grip on him. He was also using diazepam, so and upper and a downer, along with alcohol, which is a trigger. I can’t tell you why he stopped really, I’d like to think it was because of how he could see it affecting those around him, but its more likely to be the fact his nose was/is damaged and if it collapsed, his parents would know what he’d been doing.

There is a Bliss and Eso song called Devil on my shoulder, my husband listened to it a lot in the early days of recovery. You need to keep yourself busy with clean friends, avoid alcohol, eat well etc. Do you have a good support network?

[mammyessex]

Well done on admitting your problem

You send like a decent guy xx my coke addict husband left me and our kids it’s almost broke me he’s hitting 40 too wish he could see his fault x try seeing your gp and contact cocaine anonymous for support , does your family know ? X

[jamesb]

Hey man, hope you’re well.

Just like everyone else is saying, you coming here and being honest is a huge thing. I hope nothing I say sounds patronising as I have no right as a young lad to tell you want to do but honestly, regardless of age I fully know what you’re going through.

No one ever wakes up one morning and decides to become a coke addict, it creeps up on you and before you know it, youre doing things you never thought you was capable of, lying to the people you love and every single part of your life revolves around either doing Coke, or trying to hide the fact you’re doing Coke from the world.

I could go on all night about things but I know there’s nothing I could say that you don’t already know yourself.

What I do know from research and talking to people though is this.

You are not a bad person/man/husband/father. You are suffering from an illness that is cocaine addiction.

Cocaine addiction chemically rewires the way your brain works and makes decisions so those times you say you know you should but you still do. That’s the illness. It’s like someone else is in the driving seat and you can’t control your body.

If you’re like me, you’ll probably sit and imagine to yourself a life without it, and how good things would be if you just removed it from your life. But that seems so unachievable…

I promise you now bud that life is waiting for you and you can get there. The person who you are deep down is still there and you can get back to that person but the hard truth of it is that it won’t be easy and it takes time.

If everyone is aware of your use it’s a bit easier because getting clean is a hard thing to hide.

CA is single handedly the most valuable tool you can have when facing this. Another guy on here Danman would be better to talk to about CA specifically as I think he’s done alot more of it than i have but I have been to lots of meetings and it is nothing like you imagine.

You will be met with people who have been through what you have and even worst and everyone there wants nothing more than to help eachother. The people I’ve met through CA are some of the most genuine kind hearted people I have ever known.

Follow the steps, trust the process and I promise you that little by little you will find the tools you need to face this head on.

The way you have been able to provide for you family, work, and keep going for so many years even with your addiction shows that you are a strong man. Take that strength take every thing you have and throw yourself into recovery.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve the life you want free of this and no matter how hard it gets just know that you are stronger than this thing.

Probably not the best response I could have made mate but please reply and if you have any specific questions you want to ask me please do.

You got this man. A better life is around the corner for you.

Good luck

James x

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