[sk]

So sorry to read this. I asked my ex partner to leave about 2 1/2 years ago. It was very difficult at first being on my own with two children but its the best thing i have ever done. I have driven myself crazy for 15yrs checking places for clues, looking through cracks in the doors to check if he was in shower listening at the door, i have done it all. The day i asked him to leave was heart breaking for me and his child (i was preg at the time with my second child). He couldn’t stop not for me or his kids. Three times he tried and three times he failed always had an excuse work, losing his dad. I supported him every step of the way and still it wasn’t good enough. I have been stolen from, had my jewellery pawned but i think the worst was the mind games n constant detective work it was exhausting. I would build myself up time n time again just for him to knock me back down. Today i feel so numb to him i am so angry for the person he has made me today. I put on a front n like you no one knew my pain. I am bitter and he cannot understand why i am this way. I feel sorry for the next man that comes into my life he has a huge wall to climb. Not that i am looking. I have my kids n love them to bits i am a lot happier then i have been in a long time, a massive weight has been lifted. My advice if he wont leave seek help see what your options are. Get your own place with the kids and concentrate on them and yourself. Chances are he isn’t going to change. Hope you and your kids will be ok x

[snow]

Hi, thanks for your reply. Would not wish this on anyone but nice to know you’re not alone.

The only thing thats holding me is knowing how he is when he is clean and he has been for the past 7 years. He works hard and gives us a very good life, which I could not do. He usually saves money like mad, its me thats the spender!!

This is just tearing me apart, I don’t know whether I am looking for excuses. We have a funeral to attend in Cornwall and he has suggested that we take a few days away there. My daughter says she agrees and that it may help. I suppose on one hand it will give us time away from here to speak. Im just fed up of being lifted up and falling again and again, as you said. You’re right, its the mind games and lying that are the worst. They are so tiring. Everything you try and accomplish seems to take so much energy.

My kids really do not want to leave here. I think eventually if I stay strong he will have to face up to things and leave if he does not get clean. Saying that this morning he has missed his appointment with his dr at the drug service. Im not taking control of any of this, after all its not me who needs to.

Im glad for you that this has worked out for the best for you. I think it would have been easier if my kids were little, but i have a teenager who loves all his gadgets and never leaves his bedroom as he’s attached to his xbox and laptop, and my daughter is nearly 18 in 2 weeks. She is very supportive, but she also has her own life set up and i don’t want to disrupt any of that in the middle of her studies and plans to go to university.

Im sure we will be ok. something has to change eventually. I will have to be stronger. I know I can manage on my own, its not that that scares me. If anything he will have to leave.

Thanks again for reading. Nice to have someone to air off too! all the best to you and your kids xx

[icarus-trust]

Hello,

I am so sorry to read of your story and to see how very hard everything is for you at the moment and all that you have been through. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that supports the families and friends who are having to deal with the impact of a loved one’s addiction, like yourself. If you think it would help you could be put in touch with our experienced trained volunteers. They would understand what you are going through and talking to one of them might help you to find a way forward. As you said it does help just to talk things over and it may help you to know that you are not on your own.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you will be able to get some support for yourself. Good luck!

[Author]

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