[missyx]

Please can anyone else identify what I’m going through. I’m stuck I can’t pull myself out. I have everything to live for yet I can’t through a week without coke 🙁 I’m so sick of the cycle

[random9873]

I feel like there is so much info out there, but end of day, just keep trying different things. You will get there eventually.

For me, a holiday away helps kickstart it, then avoiding all places where there is a risk. I made a mistake last night thinking I was in a good headspace, and I was but I ended up doing it again (after refusing a number of times), at the end of the day, I feel you just gotta change life, avoid triggers, and just keep trying.

Remember it’s not how often you fail, but how often you get back up and try again that is important. 🙂

[missyx]

Thanks – I found this message helpful and inspiring

[centralclubteam]

I think this interview would help but it’s coming out tomorrow at 5pm . This is a special Ep beacuse the host himself Cullan Mais is getting interviewed and he tells his life story, where he talks about how he overcome heroin& cocaine addiction and how his life turned around completely. This man now runs his own podcast channel where he interviews people with special or difficult story. So stay tuned for this one out tomorrow 5pm!!!

around.https://youtu.be/st92qNV5v40

[danman83]

Hiya missy I’m 4 month and a week clean from coke today. How are you doing? What are u doing to stop? X

[missyx]

Here is a poem I wrote whilst on coke ironically

My pull my push my desire my rush

My inner belief my deep seated grief

My indulgence

My hate

My punishment my fate

My love & my longing

My craving my belonging

My constant thought

My subconscious mind

My beating heart

My endless bind

My excitement & thrill

My tears I spill

My fall my crash

My lies my fear & all I hold dear

My reward my energy

My disappointment my enemy

My pleasure my pain

My addiction cocaine

[sc0722]

I really can relate to your post.

I dont crave it on a weekly basis but i crave it every single time i drink.

I have tried multiple times to distance myself from the people who do it and block and delete numbers but some how i cant quite escape it all.

I am currently on day 2 of my journey and I really want/need to do this.

I feel you, always here if you want to chat x

[missyx]

Hi,

Thanks for your message. Can I ask how often you drink ? Do you use alone or with others ?

I know what you mean I’ve tried deleting people and binning paraphernalia etc. it makes no difference. I had it last on Friday and I’m craving it already just trying to keep busy.

[sc0722]

I drink mostly on weekends as i work 9-5 Monday to Friday.

I use with a certain group of people only. Who i only ever contact when im out. However ive basically made it impossible for myself to contact them as ive blocked and deleted them all on all platforms and phone etc. I was unfortunately with someone who knew them on Saturday though and thats how it came about. So I basically relapsed! I was on about 7 weeks clean too.

Its so difficult. I cant even deal with the anxiety and the paranoia and constant worrying.

I know my triggers and i just need to learn how to remove them. Ive even considered relocating it gets that bad for me mentally sometimes!

Do you know what your triggers are? X

[missyx]

Hi again,

Wow – 7 weeks is amazing. Don’t beat yourself up about a relapse after that, just continue as you were.

My triggers ?! Well it doesn’t help that both me and my partner take it together so we are a constant living trigger to each other. The funny is we travel an hour there and back to get it as we live in a small town. The stuff is worth travelling for unfortunately!

I find lots of triggers too though tbh tv programmes, photos, songs etc so it’s constantly difficult. We are currently trying to keep it to weekly however, which is the best we’ve been able to do. Do you use anything to help you with the comedown ?

[sc0722]

I know. I was doing so well and them bam…. Got drunk and ended up getting some and it all went wrong from there.

I always feel like speaking with people helps but no one really knows i do it. The people i do it with i don’t really talk to on a regular basis so that’s difficult. My husband doesnt have a clue.

I have to deal with the aftermath on my own but i just take each hour as it comes and i know each day gets easier (as ive done it so many times before)

So this time i googled forums and thats how i came across this. I feel better already knowing that im not actually on my own!

If you ever need to chat or anything. Please message me as im always here to help and a chat x

[missyx]

I know exactly how you feel, really I do. Nobody else knows apart from us. I’m a mother and my partner/long term boyfriend still manages to hold down a good job on the surface no one would know. You’re right you get to know what coming hour by hour in the aftermath I’m guessing your husband just thinks you’re hung over ?! Would you not feel able to tell him so he could help you in your recovery ? Thanks re chat, I will take you up on that offer soon no doubt. Sometimes I just wish I never ever had tried it in the first place.

[sc0722]

Ive tried to tell him ive done it in the past and it just didnt go down well at all. He went mad. Maybe it would help but i just want to try do this on my own first and see if i can. I know i can do it i just need to block out others around me. I really do try but alcohol just makes me want it! Other option is to stop drinking but i also enjoy that after a long week at work!!

I totally appreciate your position though, i guess its a bit easier when you do it on your own. If i did it with my partner i think id be wanting it all the time!

Always here if you need a chat! Xx

[sc0722]

Ive tried to tell him ive done it in the past and it just didnt go down well at all. He went mad. Maybe it would help but i just want to try do this on my own first and see if i can. I know i can do it i just need to block out others around me. I really do try but alcohol just makes me want it! Other option is to stop drinking but i also enjoy that after a long week at work!!

I totally appreciate your position though, i guess its a bit easier when you do it on your own. If i did it with my partner i think id be wanting it all the time!

Always here if you need a chat! Xx

[missyx]

I see, that must be hard and I get why you see as it’s your challenge to over come. One thing I have learnt from my situation is the gravitas of it. One can’t identify with an addict until you go through it yourself because no one originally sets out to be addicted. I am more understanding of people and their predicaments than before, yet I’m conscious this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Perhaps it’s an excuse or justification I don’t know. Life does not need drugs and once explored can change everything. I had 37 years before I tried and I wasn’t necessarily happier unfortunately I slipped into it before I even knew it was there. Nativity and ignorance was my starting point and in hindsight that was my blindness. We live and we learn thought don’t we ?! Xxxx

[pamela1993]

Can identify. How bad is it? How often are you using and what are your circumstances? As in, just you or with a partner? Children? Job?

[Author]

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