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Hi Pepsi,
I was in a similar situation to you until recently.
Knew someone for several years and started getting to know one another more personally. Thing is, I respect this man, even after everything that’s happened, addiction is horrible.
He told he had past and was trying to recover from cocaine addiction, but a year and half down the line he still uses.
He promised so many times he would get clean and seek help but failed to do so. We saw each other a few times, nothing has happened between us other than talking but he told me he had commitment issues, wanted to start something, go slow and each time he went for drugs instead.
I don’t think for one minute he doesn’t care about me but he’s mind is consumed by drugs. He comes across as manipulative especially the days leading up to cocaine use, almost deliberately seeking an excuse to use.
When he knows he has let me down he’s apologetic and on the other hand he says so many things I don’t know what to believe anymore, he’s told me he pushes good things away, and as much as I do care about him, I need to protect my own mental health, it is soul destroying watching him spiral put of control.
Like yourself, this man works, uses work as an excuse to use and then days he’s just busy with work.
He is using atleast once a week, but I’ve decided to go no contact with him as the whole situation was bringing me down. I blocked him a few months ago, he then messaged me from another number when high on cocaine and we ended up back in the same predicament.
From now on, I am getting on with my life and I will keep messages and any form of contact to a minimum.
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I’m 5 week clean from coke now, and I have joined C A anonymous, but regarding your question. Since I have been in the meetings a lot of people say because they still didn’t work the steps after, 6, 9 month even 2 years it causes them to relapse. I even did it my self after 2 and 3 month. I never did the steps then but I tested myself with a party – stupid decision!. I guess you can tell what happened.
You have to have some sort of programme or strict rules to obey weather its 12 steps or not. Your mind will always play tricks on you and trick you into using.
I don’t agree with you can’t trust recovering addicts, I’ve seen so many videos and read a lot of books and a lot are successful people, even millionaires and they help other addicts. Everyone makes mistakes and can change. But it all boils down to are they really trying, and sticking to their princiciples.
My opinion is if he is giving up on doing his usual stuff that helped him quit, I’d say he more or less will relapse. That’s my opinion though.
Feel free to ask me anything
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