[blondie1]

my partner first tryed heroin when he was 18yrs old (he’s now 34) and i didnt know anything about it! we got together in 2002 and i didnt know that he dabbled with it! i first found out he was-in 2005! and he habit has slowly but surely been getting worse since then-we have 3 beautiful children together-and he has been clean for the past 2 weeks!
the most recent heartbreak is that i our 3rd baby in june-he was straight at the birth-but when he came to pick us up from the hospital the next day he got caught by his neice smoking tinfoil in our car just a few hours before he came to pick us up-i thought i could smell it in the car! this was like a kick to the stomach and i am finding it VERY hard to forgive and forget this time! he is back on his subbies- so fingers crossed, but i feel i am getting stronger and with each letdown, lie and him using again i may eventuall have to ask him to leave our family home! which is not what i want to do as i love him so much and he is the best dad in the world-he just cant leave the tinfoil alone!! or can he?? i suppose time will tell……..until the next time 🙁

[tasmin]

This story sounds so similar to mine just my husband uses coke
He lies constantly and I feel like its time to take control

[loving-wife]

I feel your pain completely, it becomes a fine line between nagging them constantly about it and acting like you condone it. It’s hard when you love them so much and just want the best, and know they are good person. The truth is, it doesn’t matter what you do, they will stop when they want to stop and keep making excuses until then. It’s up to them to make that decision. I’m glad to hear hes on the subbies, it means he is getting help and its much better than methadone. I wish all the luck and happiness because I know how hard it is xxx

[indigo]

hi there i have just read ur story and felt i had to write this to you…. my partner is an addict and we have two beautiful children together. he has suffered from addiction since before we met and i knew this was the case when we met. being young and thinking i could handle it at the time. (sometimes i think what was i thinking but i guess i was drawn to him as he is a wonderful person and incredibly talented and very funny and loving) and i believe that we were meant to have been together and have our wonderful children too. anyway over the past 8 years we have been together he has been in and out of treatment, been to rehab in and out of meetings etc and has had periods of sobriety. of late things have got so bad that we have had to separate and he is living with hbis parents until he can find a place of his own as he needs to focus on his recovery right now as being at home with us is not allowing him to do that as he is not in a plce where he can handle the responsibility of a family life…..i had to be really strong and insist on this as after all the lies and money problems and total unhappiness i personally cannot take it any more. our children cannot take the instability any more and they deserve a stable life and even though they miss him not being here we are able to maintain the stability without the added stress of all the stuff that goes with addiction. like the lady said above they will only stop and get clean when they want to and no none else should have to be responsible for thaty, you are fighting a losing battle. you have to be strong and put your children and yourself first as all the while you are mopping up the trail of destruction of addiction you will not allow them to take responsibility for themselves. and you will continue to suffer. its very hard and i know exactly what you are going through as do many others on here but believe me u have to take control of your own life and be responsible for only what you can. you are powerless over their addiction and with all the will and love and blood sweat and tears in the world you cannot make them stop and with all the love they have for their loved ones it is not enough to make them stop. it has to come from their will to change their lives and stop using. and as u probably already know they feel so much pain and sorrow themselves and also cannot understand why they continue to use even though everything around them is falling apart but until they reach a point of absolute rock bottom and find the courage to face their addiction and take responsibility u can all but just decide right here that you will just do what is best for you and your children. it is possible for an addict to find recovery and stay clean as i have witnessed it myself many times so there is hope. please do not lose hope. when we stop feeding the victim cycle and we opt out of being a victim to the suffering things start to change we start to change we gain strength and we gain focus and then as the ripple effect takes place, so they see change is possible and things by the law of nature start to change. we as human beings have infinite potential and we have the power to manifest in our lives what it is that we desire, we just have to believe we can.

[blondie1]

hi indigo, since i wrote that he has moved out! i completely agree with everythin u said-i am only now strong enuf to let him go-set out rules and boundaries and stick to them-he isnt quite at rock bottom yet but he’s getting that way-its just bloody heartbreaking to see-but it has started to affect my kids now-and i havent been happy for a long time, i have been prolonging the inevitable-which is him moving out of our family home-mainly because i cudnt bare the heartache it wud cause- but i realize and hav known deep down for a long time (prob last 2/3years) that its only the memory of him that im holding on 2-he isnt the man i loved anymore-and hasnt been for ages, and i cant cope with the lies and deciept anymore-im a nervous wreck because of that stuff! ive told him he is completely on his own with this battle now-i hav had enuf and want nothin at all to do with it anymore-and that i am puttin me and the kids first and this addiction is now something he has to sort out by himself-nothing i do or say makes any difference so he is on his own with it-defo tough love is the way forward for us-its the only thing i have left to hope for-i jus pray to god that eventually he will come out the other side of this living nightmare and come back to our beautiful loving little family-and that i dont lose him forever! 🙁 still love him so much it is killing me but i know i hav 2 b strong 4 my kids-otherwise they will not have a happy future xxx

[blondie1]

hi guys-well alot has happened since my last blog-my partner got alot worse after i kicked him out in sept-i had him back a few times after that but it finally came to a head a few months ago wen he started injecting! 🙁 am absolutely devestated-jus wen i think things cant get any worse-they always bloody do! he hasnt been living here for a long while, and has got a place in rehab-at phoenix futures in hampsjire-which he went to on weds-he will be there for 3-6 months- so fingers crossed he will get clean and stay clean-although i am pleased he has got a place at rehab-and after everything he has put me and our 3 boys thru-i still love him, not as much as i did-and not the same as i did-but this is his big chance so i am using every last bit of positive energy i have for him to do well- but as for me and him-i dont know if i will ever be able to forgive him or if we can be a family again-i am gettin stronger day by day-and am just thinking of mne and the boys-and our future-atm he is not a part of that-we will c wot happens ………….whatch this space…

[icarus-trust]

Hi Chloe
How hard it must be to see your dad like this. It sounds like it might help you to talk to people who understand what you are going through. The Icarus Trust is a charity which supports families and friends who are dealing with addiction. We would be able to offer you one of our trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who could talk with you and maybe help you to find the way ahead. They could also signpost you to other services that might help you. Our Family Friends are a free service so I hope that you might give it a go.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this might help you as well as your dad.
Good luck.

[adfam-administrator]

Hi there

Thanks for posting. We are very sorry to hear about your issues, it sounds like you’ve got a huge amount of things to deal with.

A couple of organisations which may be able to give you some advice:
Release provides free legal advice on drug issues, and a helpline – 020 7324 2989.
Relate offers advice and relationship counselling for couples, and also provides advice for parents and other family members to help families deal with difficult times – http://www.relate.org.uk

Also, Families Anonymous run a national helpline which you may find useful, and specialise in supporting families affected by substance use – 0845 1200 660.

Lastly, if you ever feel like you just need to talk to someone and share what you are going through you can call the Samaritans at any time on 08457 90 90 90.

Wishing you all the best

Adfam

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
I am so sad to read of how difficult your step son’s drug issues are making life for you.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that is there to support people like yourself who are dealing with the impact of another’s addiction. It might help to talk with one of our experienced trained volunteers who would understand where you are coming from.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you are able to get some support. Good luck.

[Author]

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