[mrcommotion]

I’ve been in a relatively short relationship with my boyfriend, as we haven’t made it to the 6 months yet.

When him and I first started going out he was frank about his past meth use to me, but he was confident he wouldn’t do it again. He sadly relapsed and was unfaithful, which happened before we formally said we were together anyway.

That hurt, and not being able to help hurt too, but we kept staying together and our relationship strenghthened. With time, though, I could tell some things triggered his meth addiction. One time I could successfully talk him off the ledge.

Today we had a pretty nice day out of lockdown, we went shopping and had a nice meal out. Not everything went our way since we missed a train, but it wasn’t too bad, we enjoyed each other’s companies. I stayed at his for a little while, chatted to his family and went back to my place since I work tomorrow.

Not long after that, I get messages from him saying he’s meeting someone today and he’s going to use meth again. He’s already made up his mind. I try to talk him off the ledge again but I can’t. I’m forced to accept the fact he’s doing meth tonight and having sex with a stranger.

As an aside, we’re non monogamous, which at first I didn’t agree to but with time I liked this idea. From the sex point of view, what wasn’t normal is that he wouldn’t tell me who this person was, a picture or anything.

I feel pretty shit. As far as I could tell all I can do is take care of myself, think it’s not my fault and move on with it. But I keep telling myself, what if I’d stayed tonight at his? What if I invited him over to stay the night before he got triggered? What if I didn’t have work tomorrow and I could’ve been with him? Maybe I don’t satisfy him anymore and he just wants the high of the drug, with a stranger.

It’s a weird situation. I always go to him with everything I’ve got in my mind but suddenly he’s the one causing me to stress and overthink. I honestly didn’t think he would actually relapse.

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