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Hi Andylou, welcome to the Forum, where you will find many people in the same situation, a great place to connect with and chat to other people.
Your story makes me feel sad, I have a Son who is an addict, and after reading your story, I wonder if the addiction ever goes away, what a thought, to have to live with.
My Son is currently in recovery, but always waiting for the time that they relapse, which is awful really.
Friday nights always used to be the worst when he was really bad and I know exactly how you are feeling about ignoring the calls etc, have been there many times.
They will only change or reach out for help when they want to. Cocaine is an evil drug, completely changes them in lots of ways. I think the lying is the worst thing, and it’s very hard to learn to trust them again.
Read other stories on here. Most important thing is to look after you and your children first.
Keep chatting on here, I find it helps a lot.
Take care.
Dx
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Hi,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You’re not alone. Our stories are all a little different here but ultimately we all love or have loved an addict.
In my limited experience, making threats with no follow through will just allow your boundaries to be repeatedly destroyed.
My relationship wasn’t nearly as long as yours so I understand the unwillingness to risk all that. However, every time I set a boundary but didn’t follow through when it was broken, another boundary was soon broken until I was living a life I didn’t want with a person I didn’t recognise. I walked and he didn’t even fight for me. I know he loved me but unfortunately he loved alcohol and cocaine more.
If you do ask him to leave you must be willing to allow that to happen. An addicts life needs to become uncomfortable enough for them to choose change or indeed relationships over their beloved drug. The codependency we as loved ones foster can make it easier for the addict to continue as they are and for us to be consumed with caring for/worrying for them.
Don’t sit there feeling alone. This whole experience is so very lonely sometimes but these issues are more common than I had ever realised.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck and strength to fight off this sickness.
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This sounds so, so hard.
The bargaining seems to be a theme. Unfortunately, if there isn’t complete abstinence from gateway drugs like alcohol I’d be worried too. Like you say, it has to be his decision and it sounds like he’s still hedging his bets or but willing to accept he needs to stop everything and probably stay away from triggers including friends who use drugs.
I really hope you are doing as ok as you can be. It took so much for me to leave my partner and his children, and to continue to stay strong and not give in now we are apart. I hope you have some support from family and friends?
It is frustrating that the kids can’t understand. I wish you all the best and hope you find the strength to best deal with things in the best way for you and your children.
Stay strong and don’t feel alone or let yourself be too isolated. Take care 🙂
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My partner died at the aged of 46 from heart failure due to alcohol and cocaine. My son found him and he was only five years old. I suggest you ask him to leave until he gets himself sorted. The children must come first. My son still has PTSD and he’s 21yrs old.
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