[jajoso]

My boyfriend has just told me he is addicted to coke, and has been the whole 3 years we have been on and off dating.

I have never been around anyone who takes drugs so was completely naive to him using.

Looking back there were signs, which he’d blame on alcohol. He reached out yesterday saying he had messed up big time and needed to talk to me.

He opened up and told me he had a drug problem and was getting help.

He asked me if that meant the end of us. I said no. I’d help him.

But I’m torn between staying and helping him and feeling like a complete fool for believing his excuses.

Has anyone been in a similar situation to mine?

[hje]

I completely understand, atleast I think I do, although all situations are different. Do you live with your partner? The same thing happened to me, although he stopped the cocaine and started drinking more. As you are, I am torn and truly belive he will change. He’s so lovely when sober xxx

[jajoso]

Thank you for replying. We do not live together, he is very keen for us to move in but I don’t feel ready and not ready to give up my flat or share it.

He said he only used it occasionally when everyone around him would be taking it.. I then deal with the after effects. The come downs, tiredness and him being horrible. Never did I once think it was drugs.. I believed these effects were from a night on the drink!

I have said I will give him a chance to get clean and I’ve been reading up more about addition. I just think he may get better at hiding it from me rather than getting clean x

[vivvief]

I don’t know a lot about cocaine addiction, but I do know that it is an epidemic in this country. It now seems socially acceptable to drink alcohol and take cocaine, the cocaine makes you feel confident and talkative and you can keep on drinking! So not an easy thing to stop because it is everywhere. All addicts lie, it is part of the condition, so don’t feel foolish for believing someone you love. I so hope that he gets help and can stay clean, but you have to think about yourself x

[jajoso]

Thank you for replying.

One of the reasons he gave for taking it was being able to keep up with everyone else and having the confidence to socialise and fit in. He actually said he felt peer pressured into doing it!

I hope he gets help because morally taking drugs doesn’t sit right with me and I can’t have a boyfriend who does this.. but my worry is he will just get better at hiding it from me. Which he has done for the last 3 yrs and I was completely clueless. I’ve since found out he has been open to friends about his drug use and when I was confiding in friends and they told me they knew I was shocked. Them assumed I knew too and was ok with it.. because they are accepting of their partners doing drugs occasionally and actually don’t think it’s a problem.

Some made me feel like I was making an issue out of something that I shouldn’t have an issue with! x

[vivvief]

Well, you have now found out how a lot of people think that it a socially acceptable drug, and a lot of people can just have the occasional line with no real ill effects. However there are also a lot of people out there who cannot control their use and it ruins their lives and the lives of those around them. You are right to make an issue out of it, it can destroy people! You have to decide wether you can trust him not to take any when all around him are, a very difficult thing to do.

[Author]

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