[mhlost]

Hi everyone,

Two days ago my life was turned upside down. My husband and I have been married for just over 4 years but we’ve been having some ups and downs for the last few. The downs were because of multiple times that he would not come home after drinking / working late. He would sleep at his office and tell me he didn’t want to drive etc. / he fell asleep working. I started suspecting an affair and drugs never even crossed my mind, as it is not something I know at all (so excuse my ignorance), or grew up with and we don’t even have any friends that do it (that I am aware of). After another one of these nights he came home and told me that he has been using cocaine on and off for a few years.

He has been clean for months until the day before yesterday because he continually tries to stop using. Luckily, he desperately wants to stop. So we are making arrangements for him to see a professional and he has told me and his father to help him and keep him accountable. Do people recover and get over cocaine addiction?

It’s been two days and I still can’t believe it. I get numb when I think about it. It’s as though my brain is trying to forget that I was told this. I’m so confused and go through bouts of worry, anger, sadness, empathy and selfishness. I go through thoughts of how I didn’t see the signs before, whether he will be okay, how I ended up in a marriage with a drug addict and selfishly thinking of whether my dreams and goals for life will now just fade away. I’m just so lost today …in the midst of a global pandemic and so many other life challenges. I’m a very wear my heart on my sleeve person and I feel so alone not being able to talk about this with any one of my friends or family, to respect his privacy, and this lead me to this forum.

I am definitely going to support him during this process, but I’m so scared. He’s been lying for years. What will make this time any different? Why would he tell me or his father if he wants to use or if he has used, knowing the dissapointment it will bring? What if I accidentally do something that triggers him? I’m so utterly confused and alone. It’s probably a good idea for me to also see a psychologist, who can help me through this process as well.

Just wanted to get it out. Thank you to anyone that’s read this.

[danman83]

Hiya, hope you are OK. I imagine this is a big shock to anyone who has never had anything to do with drugs.

I have the same problem as your husband, addicted to cocaine. My use is once every few weeks. You can use just once a month and still be an addict.

Also you would be surprised who takes cocaine and what friends and family do that you didn’t think would.

My sister works in some sort of social department and she new a Councillor who was treating a Ryan Air pilot who was a coke addict. Cocaine effects people from all walks a life. The thing is if you have a well paid job, they are the worse ones. They can buy big amounts.

Taking cocaine effects your dopamine in your brain. So basically when the coke is wearing off, it’s called a come down. This can make you feel depressed for days, even suicidal. I’ve known people who have committed and attempted suicide on this crap. I’m not going to lie to you.

I hate the stuff and I’m doing my best to quit it, I’m trying a lot of different things. The main thing to quit, is that the addict has to want to quit himself. Then delete all dealers numbers, family, friends, who also use. Come off social media, you can message people on there for drugs.

You can not have alcohol what so ever, this is a main trigger to get cocaine. If he’s clean for example 3 month down the line and he is telling you he is OK. Mark my words he is not! He will say just one drink. Don’t let him. It has to be a good year at least. Maybe never again really.

Is it easy to quit? He needs to research everything, and needs to change his routine around with new activities and healthy eating. Gym, walking, painting, decorating, anything to keep him busy.

Or he could try a rehab. But I’ve never been. I mean I would if I was using everyday for years. But you could have it in front of me now and I’d say now. Mine seems to be Fridays.

Going back to you saying you ended up in a marriage with a drug addict. No one is perfect, and it is a disease. I never believed it at 1st but its a fact. We as humans are all addicted to something, weather its a glass of wine after work, a brew in the morning ect. He will relapse as well. Its part of recovery. I’d be amazed if he didn’t.

He has done the right thing and admitted it, it’s a sneaky drug and like a devil and angel on your shoulder, shall I get some, shall I not?? Also you can get it anywhere now, you would be amazed how quick you can get it. Its a major problem in the UK now. Good luck and I hope he gets better, feel free to message me

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