[sarey1]

My fiancé haS always been a ‘drinker’. When we first met 6.5 years ago he’d often sit alone drinking into the early hours, playing music loud and keeping me awake even though he knew I had work the next day. Before we met he’d been in trouble with the police for instances that had occurred when he was drunk- always relating to violence (luckily nothing like this has happened since we’ve been together)

As the years have passed his drinking has gotten progressively worse, especially over the last 3 years also during which time I was suffering from a lot of health problems, multiple hospital visits and stays and a number of operations. He had a very successful business which he has slowly sunk into the ground- he hasn’t done a full days work in as long as I can remember, and has accumulated a very large amount of debt.

He’s drinking HEAVILY – beers, spirits, and now using cocaine again aswell. Most people would be dead if they drank the amount he does. Most of the time he drinks at home where he will stay up til the very early hours, or until morning drinking, and often for days at a time. He then spends days in bed recovering. He does this multiple times a week and all weekend.

He also recently got back in touch with an old ‘friend’ and he goes to his house pretty much every other weekend while his friends partner is visiting her parents. The last ‘bender’ with him 6 weeks ago lasted 6 days.

Every time he drinks he is remorseful the next day, says he doesn’t know why he does it- that he wants to and will change and he wants a happy and successful life with me. I have a very good job and he has the ability to earn a lot of money, if only he would actually do some work. I always believe his intentions and have given him the benefit of the doubt every time. I know he loves me, even though he is absolutely vile and abusive to me when drunk. He is a very nasty drunk.

3 weeks ago I had another operation (5 weeks after the 6 day bender) and he swore he would be there and look after me. The following weekend he went back on this, despite me being very unwell and arranged to go over to this ‘friends’ house, despite me pleading with him not to. He swore he was getting a taxi back at 2.30am (despite usually drink driving) but when I woke up at 6am there was no sign of him and no message. He then used me being upset as an excuse to stay out all day and night Sunday.

I gave notice on our house on the Tuesday- he found out via the estate agent. We haven’t spoken since (2 weeks now). He’s sent a couple of messages saying he loves and misses me so much, that he’s heartbroken and struggling, about 30 messages when clearly drunk, and a number of messages about practical things relating to our house (all of which seem like excuses to message rather than anything that warrants a reply) but there has been no apology or any sign of regret or remorse for what he has done or caused. I haven’t replied to any of his messages for nearly 2 weeks now and when it did it was only about practical things- leaving the house, our dog etc.

I don’t think he thought I would ever leave, or that I would ever refuse to speak to him.

I know I’ve done the right thing. He has a serious problem with alcohol- has at points over the years admitted it and made attempts to stop drinking or to control his drinking, but recently denies he has an issue and just says it’s him having ‘fun’, despite all these promises of change. And his behaviour has had a serious detrimental effect on my health and happiness.

What I don’t understand and am struggling with is why he has let it get to this point. He’s an intelligent guy (41) with so much potential and we could have had such a happy life together if only he’d stopped or managed to control his drinking. I’m sure he’s telling his family and friends it’s all my fault- nothing is ever his fault. But how can he not see what destruction his drinking is causing – not just to me and our relationship but to his entire life? Why does he still think it is ‘fun’ ‘normal’ and not a problem and insist on continuing on this path of total self sabotage?

[Author]

Posts