I’m so sorry to read your story . You are not rambling and am glad you have posted as you will get a lot of support from this forum.
If you would like some more help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family. We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends that you could talk with and they will understand what you are going through.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.