[aldritt]

Hi….I live with my partner and two children (10 and 12). In the early part of our relationship she drank heavily, apart from when she was pregnant. This was a bad time – erratic behaviour, hiding drink around the house, falling over and hurting herself – she could also be a nasty, abusive drunk.

But she kicked that habit – I’m so proud of her for doing that.

Roll the clock forward to the last 2-3 years. She’s now, I’m pretty convinced, addicted to cannabis. She has issues with depression is diagnosed ADHD which leads to fairly up and down behaviour and it seems like she always needs some kind of crutch to fall back on when times are bad for her. That crutch was drink and is now weed.

I feel like I may have enabled her in the start as I helped her to figure out how to buy the stuff on the internet / darkweb. I knew she needed something and I wanted it not to be drink!

Now…..she smokes every night, how much I’m unsure. Probably takes edibles too as it “helps her sleep”. I have to manage my life around her need to get stoned now so anything needing done after 5:00 in the evening is pretty much down to me (kids drop offs, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc….). I can’t rely on her to really do anything – I don’t get the time I need to do the things I want. I’m getting resentful.

The house smells of weed – I hate it and what it says about us (me!). I hate to think what this behaviour will mean for our kids as they grow older and are more aware of what’s happening.

Moods are all over the place – I think she’s mixing ADHD meds + cannabis so she’s up and down and irritable all the time. I need to bite my tongue as it’s a minefield. I mentioned it the other week as I’d cooked tea and she was outside smoking…..so missed eating with us – she left the house claiming she had to get stoned because of “your shit!”…..I’ve not mentioned it since.

No idea how much she’s spending on this now but it must be at least £300 per month which we just can’t afford to keep doing. That represents our gas and electric bill every month and it sticks in my throat.

No idea how to move forward with this – it’s only getting worse, but if it’s her crutch who am I to take it away from her, then again she’s a Mum who should be thinking of the kids before herself.

Another couple of packages with weed dropped through the letterbox today and I just roared in frustation and just had to get my words down in a place where someone would listen.

Thanks for reading 🙁

[careaboutyou]

Hi Aldritt,

So sorry for you and the situation that you’re in. I do understand as my late husband was an alcoholic. It was like living in the eye of the storm, I had to leave with my son eventually, after 5 years of trying everything to help him.

It’s selfish, addictive behaviour and you’re right she is a Mum….. but she’s not being their Mum is she? You are doing everything you can. You need to leave with your children, as you say before they are old enough to understand what is going on and they become damaged by her behaviour. You also must take care of yourself so that you can continue to be a good Father to them. Thank goodness that they have a good man like you.

My advice is; tell your family and friends what is going on ( it’s her shame, not yours ), make plans to split up, this will mean selling the house if you own it, giving notice on a lease on a rented property. If you are in a council property then I don’t know but there must be some way that you can tell the authorities what’s going on and get re-housed. Whatever it is, there is a way and you can do it. She won’t change I’m afraid.

You have to think of your children and your own well being. You all deserve better than this, she will have to fend for herself. Come on……having weed delivered by post to the family home with your children there! In what universe is this ok??? Keep a diary of her behaviour, how much she is smoking and when. Also list everything that you are doing and what she is not doing. You will have to go for custody.

I admire you as you think that you’ve been doing the right thing up until now, keeping it all together, by doing everything whilst she bales out of any responsibility, but the right thing to do is to leave and protect your children and yourself from this toxic environment. When you separate, it sounds like she will have to have supervised access only if she is not capable of looking after the children.

Wishing you great strength and courage. There is a better life, after this mayhem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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