[natasha21]

Oh my,where do I start,well first of all I’m a mom of four grown up boys who are my life and world.im actually a genuine and kind person so no idea why this is happening to me. My husband off 27 years. Well he’s always had a drink problem out with the lads off a weekend, then a few after work. Then eventually my boys ( I know nothing of drugs) informs me that dad’s taking cocaine, what? How do you know?look at his face. I was mortified, shocked, angry and sad.why????? When I asked but got the brick wall, hes still in denial now after 5 years. I have so many questions but get no answers. Hes also a narcisis,gaslighting and been domestic violence for years and also financial abuse, god he loves to be in control with money. Making me beg for bill money ( a little amount, do I choose to feed my kids or pay a bill) he thrives on it,bastard. And for what so he can have more white shit. He’s stolen money off his kids(birthday and Xmas money, stolen money off me from my pittance wage.And then there are the mood swings,one minute he’s fine and human then he’s waffling,or his face all over the place its embarrassing, he’s a disgrace and I hate what he’s become.then it’s im going for a pint and comes in at 2 in the morning off his face and if I say anything he wants to rip my head off. I’m absolutely done with him.im drained and exhausted. Love to you all going through this shit. I go through stages of being so strong but lately I feel broken

[mammyessex]

I replied on my post but didn’t want to leave no reply here , you are not alone we may feel broken but we are strong ladies they are just thoroughly selfish people being in our position is a lonely scary existence and what’s worse is it’s not our fault we are here x keep venting on here it helps ❤️????

[natasha21]

Thank you lovely, that’s the worst part of it all I think, knowing its not my fault. I never made him take his first line, then keep lying and deceiving his family. And still making the choice to take it,unfortunately he thinks it’s normal to do it because so many people do it now. It’s wrong to do it and you hurt so many people

[mammyessex]

It’s selfish it effects everyone it’s a vile life destroying drug does nothing for the ego knowing they chose it over us and there family x

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Natasha

I’m sorry that you are going through this too. My one is addicted to crack now (was originally cocaine), he also drinks and smokes and controls the money… none of which I agree with at all. We have a little one and I’m desperately trying to leave as I’m also suffering DV.

I cannot imagine wasting more of my life on this existence as it is not living, it really is just existing. I wake each day and wonder how I’m going to get through it and what kind of mood he will be in. I’m walking on eggshells. I have also finally come to the conclusion that no matter what, he will never change and even if he did, his core personality is abusive. He always blames everyone else, and especially me, for everything wrong in his life. I don’t want to be with someone like that.

Have you been in contact with any of the DV charities? Would it be possible for you to leave? It sounds as if your sons would be supportive of you leaving if you chose to. I know it’s a lot to think about.

[natasha21]

Hello my lovely, ive no love towards him anymore just hatred,it’s horrendous to think you could possibly feel this to another human being.he blames me for everything, I never know what mood he will be in,ive come to the realisation hes a narcissus and does the whole gaslighting too.i actually used to think I was going crazy. You do need to get out now while you can,I will get out when I’m financially stable. He also is in charge of Money because he’s on so much, he drinks every day, gambles and just lies.cant believe so many of us going through this.stay strong, just smile at him,im always here for you xx

[donthaveaclue]

Yes, keep working at whatever it is you have to do to get financially stable so that you can get out.

I think it is horrendous how many of us are experiencing DV and how much of it is linked to addiction. I read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Buncroft and it’s not the addiction causing the abuse… these men are abusive underneath it all… regardless. Mine also seems to be narcissistic. I think he has borderline personality disorder but has remained undiagnosed and careering through life in a disastrous and chaotic way.

I’m just waiting to get rehoused. It feels like forever that I’ve been trying to get away and planning my escape. I will then do what I can to recover from the trauma he has inflicted on me and our child.

[natasha21]

Hello lovely, how are you today? A new day as they say.Reading through your last reply, yes so many of us men and women going through this.we have to stay strong for our sanity and children, mine as always being moody and violent oh my god and the stories he tells(and actually believes himself) I also think he has other issues but just never been diagnosed. Also hates it when I’m strong and financially stable in a good job,but that’s the losing control. Stay strong beautiful

[donthaveaclue]

I’m okay. How are you? He had promised me he’d contact the doctor but hasn’t done so. I’m fed up with it. I was really hopeful and now feel a bit foolish for that.

My one also tells crazy stories and makes up absolute claptrap about himself… and the way he says it… he actually believes it to the point where other people are fooled until eventually they realise (usually when he falls out with them).

[natasha21]

Lol oh my god sounds like my hubby, that can’t be the cocaine surely it must be an underlying mental health problem. Worst thing is he thinks he’s normal lol and I’m off my trolley, he even asks if I have taken drugs ???? hilarious. The stories though, I just call him jackanory now. Stay strong a new day xx

[donthaveaclue]

Have a look at borderline personality disorder and narcisstic personality disorder… see if either rings any bells.

There is an element of grandiose thinking I think is a factor with mine. He bigs himself up and extends the truth about jobs etc.

Oh yes, mine says I’m mad and that he uses, drinks and smokes because of me. Funny that.. surely if you felt like that you’d leave the person?

Also when I met him he said he was a non-smoker, but he smoked… he also said he only drank socially but he was drinking every night and binge drinking every week on a night out! Plus, I recently found out he’d been addicted to crack years ago and has recreationally used drugs since his teens.

I think he genuinely believes I’m the cause of him using because I ‘stress him out’ but when I’m not here and we don’t have much or any contact, he still uses.

[natasha21]

Hey,oh definitely narcissistic and gaslighting too.yeh always my fault why he drinks and uses when he feels like it,I’ve said for years then leave I don’t love you anymore after what you have put me through but he won’t go obviously. He wouldn’t cope I literally do everything, do the cleaning, shopping, cooking, gardening, decorating he does nothing apart from work (like me,oh no sorry I don’t work hard like him lol )he came in tonight chewing his gums but he hasn’t done no stuff and he’s (mate) isn’t a dealer, I said I don’t care anymore you will have a massive heart attack not me.stay strong x

[donthaveaclue]

Aww bless you. This life is hideous. I feel we are so strong to cope… somehow we keep going.

I’m also doing everything and raising our child… he doesn’t even work now! He sits on his arse either getting drugs, preparing them to use, searching for stuff he’s hidden/lost/dropped, doing the drugs, or is in the bath, eating, sleeping, watching TV and having a go at me. It’s a nightmare. It’s like being in a movie or episode of some dingy soap that I never signed up for.

Gosh the gaslighting… yes! I forgot about that.

Does yours suffer paranoia?

I cannot wait to get out. I’m literally fantasising about the day I get offered a new place.

I really think mine will either die of a heart attack, get cancer from all the cigarettes he’s smoked or commit suicide (as he has tried to kill himself multiple times). I’ve tried to help him but… you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink.

[natasha21]

Hello beautiful, yes suffers paranoi too.he was off work yesterday, stayed in bed for the day, everytime I asked a question I was causing an argument.i always said my life is a best selling book or film,you couldn’t make it up honestly. How can one person cause so much pain and hurt to someone they apparently love. I have unfortunately got to the Stage now where I don’t care if he takes the stuff cause he’s one step to death. He’s here in bed next to me, mumbling in his sleep and breathing heavily.and definitely got bipolar I think x

[donthaveaclue]

Mine is the exact same in that I am not allowed to talk or to have a voice. Anything I say is taken wrongly. Anything I say is apparently me trying to cause an argument. It’s ridiculous. You become so downtrodden by it… I feel as if I am not an adult but a child… no voice and totally controlled in all I do.

I really don’t think they do love us. I don’t think mine really knows what love is. He is someone who will do and say whatever he has to in order to get what he wants. Totally self-serving and selfish. Even at times when I thought he was being caring I realise it was more than likely because he would ultimately gain from me being okay… so it was in his interests to ensure I was.

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