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<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>So I can SEE that there is a white patch of cocaine on the coffee table this morning, and it certainly wasn’t there when I went to bed last night. </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I rubbed my finger through it and licked it and could TASTE that is was cocaine (that acrid unmistakable bitterness that makes the tongue numb.) </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I smell the patch and surely enough it has that very distinct chemical smell. I knew it was coke as soon as I saw it but living with an addict makes you question your sanity, due to all the lies, secrets, betrayal and gaslighting. </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>So even though I had this absolute concrete evidence that he used drugs he still has the arrogance and audacity to tell me I’m wrong. That what I’m seeing is not really there, or that it’s not really cocaine. Living with an addict makes you question your sanity, and makes you doubt your own senses.</span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I suffer from PTSD after a serious sexual assault by a stranger ten years ago, and being told that black is white and up is down really messes with my head. My partner knows that my anxiety is bad at the moment, and that I need his support and loyalty right now. </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>Yet he dared to tell me that I was wrong. Like I am crazy, and seeing things. Or that I’m making it up. Or that I’d staged the photo. Or who knows what.
But it’s really really hurt me. He has had so many chances, and claims to be in recovery. How can addicts lie so easily and so brazenly to people they are supposed to love? Do they actually believe their own lies? Does cocaine make them so cocky and full of themselves that they think they are so clever and sneaky and cunning that we could never ever tell?! I can ALWAYS tell.</span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>I am heartbroken right now. What are we supposed to do when they lie to our faces? Go along with? Ultimately letting them get away with it, and making them think we are so gullible and thick? And that they are so clever? </span></p>
<p class=”p1″ style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; caret-color: #000000; color: #000000; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”><span class=”s1″ style=”font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;”>The lies and manipulation have got me feeling so scared. He was meant to be recovering. How can I support him when he won’t admit that he’s relapsed? Even when there is very obvious proof?</span></p> -
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