[g76]

Hello all .

I’ve just finished a very toxic on and off relationship with a cocaine addict. He was very abusive … physically emotionally mentally and financially . I had no idea who he really was in the beginning. Told me he couldn’t have children and Lo and behold I found myself pregnant . I had just come out of a marriage and already had 3 children . This guy knew I didn’t want more . Our baby is 3 now and my pride and joy . My kids have seen and heard things children never should . We lived in a women refuge to get away from him but he always came back saying he’s changed , he’d go to counseling , he was so sorry …. The usual … all lies . Nothing ever changed . I’m sure he cheated on me . He robbed every penny he could on me and my children . Never paid a penny towards his daughter . I suffered broken teeth .. my hands were bitten .. cars sold on me .. phones smashed . Every possible horrible thing you can think a man can do to a woman he did on me .

I left him right before Xmas . I got an order against him and he’s not allowed to contact me . The thing is … and it sounds so ridiculous .. but the loneliness I feel since I left is just so hard to bear . I’m so used to the drama and the fighting and the ups and downs that now i feel strange without it . I feel like I’m in a fog and i feel like he’s died in a sense . How do I move forward emotionally? Logically I know what happened but my emotions are just all over the place . The thoughts of him being with someone else and being kind to another woman kills me … even though I’m not sure this is even true . I’ve had no contact with him and that’s the way I want it to stay . Please help x

[vic152uh]

Hey there,

Firstly, well done for being so strong and putting yourself and your children first. You have clearly been trapped in a hugely toxic and damaging relationship so the strength it must have taken to leave shouldn’t be underestimated.

It’s time to put yourself first. After living with an addict for so long, as well as caring and protecting 4 children, probably means you have been at the bottom of a very long list.

You need to start rebuilding your life, slowly. Think about your needs for a change, what do you want? Whether it be a new job, joining a gym, taking up a new hobby, whatever.

Small steps but as you take them you will move further away from him and the toxic life you have left behind.

Best of luck to you

[g76]

Thank you so much for replying . I got myself a part time job and that has given me independence that I wasn’t allowed to have for a long time . I’ve started to write a book about my experience too .

For me it’s the loneliness after an abusive relationship with an addict . I don’t trust anyone . I’ve lived with lies every day for 5 years so for me walking out my front door every day is hard if that makes sense . I’ve thought about maybe finding someone else but then i panic at the thoughts . I don’t think I could ever be intimate with a man again . I think I’ll join al anon to get some support though and might make new friends through that .

I know none of the abuse was my fault but I just can’t stop thinking about if my ex will find someone new and treat her better … if that happens it will kill me inside . I think I’m emotionally damaged if that makes sense .

Anyway thank you for taking the time to reply to me and thank you so much for the advice x

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