[ylrk18p1]

Hi my mum has been an alcoholic for years but I have only just realised in the past year. It has became very serious in terms of drinking and driving and attending work under the influence. I am a nursing student and am in my 2nd year I’m struggling to balance this as its in my mind constantly worrying about my mums wellbeing. It was bad and constant last year and at Christmas 2022. She was sober for around 4 months after January 2023 and recently has relapsed in May time. She drinks on and off, for example she works nightshifts 3/4 nights a week, she will be sober here, then drink on her days off, this could be 2 bottles of white wine or a 35cl bottle of gin. Although me and my dad (Me, my mum, and dad all live together) have been having suspicions about her attending her work drunk. She has also scratched up her car that she shares with my dad and we know for a fact this is because she was under the influence. I have tried to speak to her drunk and sober and I get the same reply which is “I can’t believe you are getting so low and depressed over me its pathetic, get a life and let me live because I’m an adult” I feel like I’ve lost all hope and that I’ve tried everything. It is taking so much out of me; lying to family members so they don’t find out, missing days of nursing placement/work to look after her, struggling with uni work and living a normal life. I can see her eyes going yellow, and just in general can see her deteriorating, my mums beautiful and now she just looks like a completely different individual. My mum would never hurt me but she is so rude when she is drunk it makes me feel so low, I feel so angry all the time I can no longer be patient with her. I found 4 bottles of white wine, 5 bottles of dry gin (medium sized) in the bin, I don’t know the time frame these have been taken over but it just hurts so so much, its like I’m practically watching her slowly kill herself. she also comes off alcohol suddenly, she has never had DTs or seizures that I know of, I’ve even warned her withdrawals can kill her but she doesn’t believe me. She leaves the house a mess, and is lacking in personal hygiene, wetting herself, leaving the bathroom a mess, not showering etc. I’m so so stuck at what to do because at the end of the I want her to get help but she doesn’t, if I didn’t live with her I wouldn’t even take anything to do with her but its because I still love her and want a relationship with her 🙁

[Gaddict]

I’m really sorry to hear about the struggles you’re facing with your mum’s alcoholism. It’s evident that you care deeply about her wellbeing and want her to get the help she needs. Unfortunately, as you’ve mentioned, your mum’s situation has become dangerous not only to herself but also to others, particularly when it comes to drinking and driving and attending work under the influence.

 

It’s important to acknowledge that you can’t control your mum’s choices, and maintaining your own mental and physical wellbeing is essential. You shouldn’t have to bear the burden of lying to family members, missing your nursing placement or work, and struggling with your own life.

 

In the UK, there are several resources available that could potentially help your mum and provide support for you and your dad. One option is to visit websites that can help you locate rehabilitation facilities and support services for alcohol addiction in your area.

 

In addition to this, you might consider reaching out to the following organizations for further support:

 

– **Al-Anon** (www.al-anonuk.org.uk): Al-Anon offers understanding and support for families and friends of problem drinkers, whether the person is still drinking or not.

 

– **Alcoholics Anonymous** (www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk): AA offers support for individuals struggling with alcoholism through a 12-step program and group meetings.

 

– **Nacoa** (www.nacoa.org.uk): The National Association for Children of Alcoholics (Nacoa) provides information, advice, and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking.

 

It’s essential to prioritize your own wellbeing and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Remember that you can’t force someone to change; they have to be willing to take the necessary steps themselves. It’s crucial for you to focus on your own health, education, and future.

 

Please know that you’re not alone in this, and it’s commendable that you’re reaching out for help. I hope that the resources provided can offer some guidance and support for you and your family.

 

Take care and stay strong.

[careaboutyou]

Hi there,

My heart goes out to you. My late husband and the father of my son was an alcoholic.

My advice is this; I understand how devasting this is to live with and how it’s destroying your life. You are an honourable individual who is training to be a Nurse. You cannot cure your Mother, she has chosen to destroy herself without any regard for you and instead of her looking out for you, you have the burden of constantly worrying about her well being and the dangerous and vulnerable situations, that due to her drinking she is putting herself in.

Written, it never sounds as bad as it actually is, but I lived it, so I know. You mention the wetting herself, the unspeakable. But this is typical behaviour of an alcoholic. She is nasty and aggressive to you when drunk and I can imagine seldom remorseful.

As soon as you are able, leave and do not live with your Mother, she is the one who should be obligated to look out for / look after you! Not the other way around. Go forward with your life as far away as possible from her. She is a millstone around your neck and you are a good person, trying to do good in the world. Goodness knows your job is challenging enough, without the daily stress of worrying about her. Lead your own life, detach from her. The alcoholic will cling on to people and disguise this as love. They only love the bottle. Do not let her do this to you.  You must naturally be a compassionate person, but give your compassion to others, not an addict that can’t be helped. Live your life, enjoy your life. I wish you all the luck and love in the world. xxxx

 

 

[Chica]

I’ve joined this forum because my sister in law is an end stage alcoholic as far as I can see, and my niece lives with her and is bearing the brunt of everything. I’m looking for ways to advise her how to deal with her mum.

She’s always been a big drinker, but my brother passed away 2 years ago from cancer, and now she is basically drinking herself to death. She drinks at least 2 bottles of wine a day, more at weekends. She drinks until she passes out. She is managing to hold down a job, but she works from home 3 days a week, so she can drink while she’s working. The 2 days she’s in the office, she’s taking drink to work and foimg to the pub at lunch time. She has terrible tremors every morning until she has a drink.

My niece is in her 20’s and feels responsible for her mum. She’s basically turned into her mum’s carer, even though she’s grieving badly for her dad.

I’ve told her that her mum is making her own life choices, and that she is not responsible for babysitting her, but it’s a terrible situation for her to be in.

I’m not even sure how much longer she will live like this. Does anyone know? She drinks probably 18 bottles of wine a week at least, maybe even quite a bit more. She’s definitely alcohol dependent because of her tremors, but hasn’t had any major incidents like seizures or anything. She doesn’t eat anything at all, she only drinks. I don’t think she wets herself, but I know she’s stopped showering.

Does anyone know how long she can live like this? Or what is likely to happen next? Or have any advice?

[Author]

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