[molly]

I’m feeling overwhelmed my 30 year old son is addicted to drugs and alcohol, we have spells of sobriety but the spells are getting shorter. He still lives at home does not work and has sold everything he owns again. So we are at the stage of constantly asking for money, i day no but he doesn’t listen, in the past he has been violent and aggressive and I needed to call the police. It is wearing me down don’t know where to turn it what to do. The ironic thing is I am a coach in a rehab but coping on a personal level is difficult

[ash2013]

Hi Molly,

I didnt want to read and run.

Can I ask, what drugs is he taking? do you know?

Sending a big hug x

[molly]

Thank you for your reply, his main go to drug is crack cocaine but he will use anything he can get his hands on, he has adhd and his reason for using is makes him feel normal (his words)

[ash2013]

Hi Molly,

I dont have experience in crack addiction, but I presume its quite similar to cocaine. I dont want to teach you to suck eggs, but can you get him to visit a dr?

Crack is going to kill his pleasure receptors, so that he wont easily find pleasure with anything else. Also the more they do, the more it just becomes that you have to use it to feel normal, not good, just normal. Thats because he’s addicted right. Thats why coke and crack are sly drugs, they reel you in with a ‘good feeling’ then it takes more to achieve that feeling, then you get to the point where your son is now, which is using to feel normal, not even to feel good.

I don’t know what to say to help you, can you get him into rehab? Or isnt he interested? If he’s not then maybe tough love, he is 30, he has to move out.

x

[molly]

We have discussed rehab but he won’t entertain it, I have tried the tough love but he keeps coming back

[ash2013]

It always feels like you have to show them what they are missing out on by existing this way.

The problem you have here is that your son has nothing else to think of, I assume no partner, no job, no interests. His world just revolves around that?

You have to be the strong one Molly, he’s on a one way street here from what I can see, and its not fair on you.

Have you considered moving away? x

[molly]

I have but I have grandchildren that I live close to, it’s a difficult one my head agrees with you but my heart is somewhere else. Everyone else has given up on him I get no support from family my saving grace is I have an amazing partner who supports me and handles him really well, he is home at the moment and looks like he will sleep off his latest binge, yet I will be waiting for the next one

[molly]

He has two girls from two different relationships and the mother of one always stops me from seeing my grandaughter when he is like this. He loved fishing and cycling but sold everything again this time to pay off drug debts because I refuse to bail him out this time

[bt1978]

Hey molly

Does or did he take meds for the adhd. This is something I have heard before you know, that taking drugs which would normally cause a neuro typical person to get high, actually level a neuro diverse brain out strangely. I dont know if there is science behind this.

Does he recognise it’s an issue?

[ash2013]

Molly,

I will never understand why women stop grandparents seeing their grandchildren because of a grown childs behaviour. You are not him, its not your fault, and its not fair to lump you in the same group.

Maybe you could talk to the mothers to explain how you feel and what you are going through, I can understand why they dont want the children around your son, but you are not a drug addict. They may feel as though you are taking his side and accepting his problem, make sure they know that you are not accepting of it.

Partners of drug addicts are damaged, they’ve probably been through more than you realise, and they may be scared that you are trying to allow your son to get to them through you. Just make sure they understand that you are at the end of your tether and that you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren, with a sober son, or without him if he cannot be that.

Sending love x

[molly]

As I write this I’m feeling so grateful for all of the comments and everyone makes so much sense. I was able last night to speak to my son as he was sober and alert. Instead of talking to him about his behaviour and how it’s not acceptable in my home I spoke of my feelings and how the last month has effected me. I was unaware that he had been speaking with my 80 year old mum earlier in the day. He was very remorseful and does not want to hurt anyone especially his close family which I do know is the truth as an addict is just far removed from their values when in the madness. We seemed to turn a bit of a corner and my anxiety levels decreased. Again I’m hopeful we are out the other side of crazy past month and time for him to do some work on himself. I will continue with this support as it is something I have never done before and found it very helpful to keep me grounded. He is currently seeing his daughter then coming back home to talk through some things

[ash2013]

Oh Molly i’m really pleased! What a relief, even if it is temporary.

There was a helpline I called at my lowest point, and the guy I spoke to was an ex crack addict, he made me feel so much better about what I was going through, he told me his story and made me see things much clearer. I think it was CA (cocaine anon) helpline.

Help him see there is a better life out there xx

[molly]

Heavy heart writing this well I took the decision tonight to tell my son not to come back home. I came home tonight to find he has stolen from me to fund his habit. I have tried my best but no more. I rang him and he was so dismissive so locks will be changed he is in his own now, I was the last one in the family he got support from. I’m very sad had huge panic attack but I know it’s for the best he is not willing to change

[cornwallmother2020]

I just wanted to offer you my love & support. I have no words as I am in a similar position. I dont know if we can personal message on here, its my first day.

But I am here. I know where you are at X

[ash2013]

cornwallmother – It’s amazing how many people are in the same position, or a similar one.

I hope you are ok, this forum is a great form of support because you know you arent alone.

x

[molly]

Thank you cornwallmother, not posted for a while because life got really difficult, my son went further down his lowest (his words), he is currently 5 days sober and drug free and taking each day as it comes. My anxiety has lifted but he is well aware it will take time to recover. I’m trying to be as normal as possible but still find it hard to fully relax. I want this to be the change forever but I’m frightened to think that way if that makes sense. He is currently staying with his girlfriend and daughter. I feel like we are still walking on eggshells

[Author]

Posts