[mbcat94]

I have been dealing with my mum and her addictions with alcohol and weed since 2009, it started when my gran (who was an alcoholic herself) had a couple of strokes and ended up needing full time care.

It was hard on all of us as we were a very close family and it was the start of the family breaking down really.

I am now 26 and desperately wanting to move out which me and my boyfriend are currently trying to save so we can get our own place together as we both still live at home.

My older sister is with her partner and daughter and I just worry for my niece and my mum as she still had a drink and a smoke while she was staying over from when she was a baby to now at 7 years of age.

Yes me and my dad are also in however if my dad and me weren’t there and something happened she would have been screwed as she wouldn’t be able to drive because she would have been over the limit and I just find it incredibly selfish.

I tried going to Al Anon meetings however I personally was struggling with my own mental health and I couldn’t give time to both counselling and the Al Anon meetings as I found it overwhelming and I had to give myself time to heal from my own personal struggles.

I am grateful for those meetings though, everyone was so lovely and once this pandemic is over I may find myself returning to the meetings.

My mum when she’s had a drink is very nasty, I sometimes walk through the door after being at work all day and she has ago at me for something that is not my fault. She rolls her eyes at me and argues and answers back at me, she comments on my appearance and how I should eat more “healthy” when ironically she should really take a look at herself before she decides she wants to comment on how I look and what I eat. Its toxic behaviour.

I have a boyfriend and we have been together for almost a year and a half and before this pandemic I usually stay at his when we have days off together however since these lockdowns we haven’t been able to spend time together.

I am struggling, I started a new job in November which now means I am an essential worker and I have had to tell them about my mum because I broke down after tier 4 was announced for my area, I am grateful I get to work still as I can’t cope with being at home with her anymore. The first lockdown I coped with her, I think it helped that the sun was shining throughout most of it so I ended up going on loads of walks to get myself out of the house. However now I hate the fact I don’t have days off on my own anymore, I just want time to myself without being judged for it, I like to game on my days off and shes always like “why don’t you go out and do more instead of playing on stupid games?” “I don’t understand you at all” “all you do is sit on your computer” that’s all coming from my own mother. That’s the heartbreaking thing, shes my mum I should love her no matter what but right now I just can’t even go near her as I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells.

I feel like I have only really spoken about half of what I have been through and what I have to put up with but I hope this gives someone an idea and I am sure most people may relate to this.

I just wish there was more support for those living with alcoholics and addicts during these lockdowns.

I can’t go to my boyfriends because of the rules and I can’t have a bubble because I don’t live on my own or have young children.

If anyone has any tips or advice I am open and welcome to them as I just feel so alone.

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