[Sam1888]

hi,

im hoping someone can help me. My partner of 7 months has a cocaine problem. I love him dearly and it destroys me to see him abuse it regularly. When he does he has a drink with friends and his social circle all take it. He will go off radar when he is on it and I don’t hear from him it’s a horrible feeling. I myself don’t take any kinds of drugs and I’m really not used to dating someone who does. Just stuck on what to do. He won’t give it up he has admitted that himself. Always says he is going to just cut back and have some at the weekends but he is taking it during the week too.
I suffer from severe anxiety and when I hear him say he is taking it and with friends it makes me feel even more anxious. Just feel so lost.

[thistim3]

Let him go, Sam.  He is already taken.  Coke owns him now.  You’re only 7 months into this relationship.  A lifetime plan with this man will be a life of heartache for you and any children that you have with him.  Seek therapy for yourself to get yourself through this. Sorry for what you are going through and also for being so harsh.  Listen to your survival instincts.  You know it is true.  These stories here are real.  Save yourself. You won’t regret it.

[paw_x]

Hi Sam,

I can only echo what Thistim has said. Protect yourself, your life, and your sanity, and leave while you can. He hasn’t taken any steps to change, clearly doesn’t want to change despite you making it clear it’s a problem, and it’s obviously escalating if he’s using through the week and not just when out with his pals. The stories you’ll read here are all fairly similar and I think many of us wish we were only 7 months into a relationship and could do a runner without our lives being ruined!

I’m years and years in now and my partner started relapsing last year, for a full year, and now I’m stuck in a house we bought having had to kick him out after a year of empty promises and lies. He’s now getting better but that’s up to him and I know now that I can’t fix him, I would just go insane trying. If he wants to get better, he should go to CA meetings, preferably everyday. But you go focus on you, as this will bring you nothing but heartache and you don’t deserve that.

Take care of yourself and don’t take on something that will only harm you x

[bellapop]

It pains me to read this and say this.. but I echo everything the members above have said. My husband and I have been together 13 years, every single time I let my guard down he does it again and ruins what we have. It’s torture!! Pure, painful and utterly exhausting torture. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! We have a beautiful family and a (from the outside) good life.. but he destroys it day in day out with his lies, manipulation and manic episodes.

only you know what you are going to do but please think about it in depth. Trust your instincts and look after yourself. We genuinely only get one life, please don’t waste as many years of it as we have xxx

[jess1423]

Hi all,

This is my first time on this forum and reading this story makes me sit here and cry as I can relate to this so much.Me and my parter have been together for 20 months now and over the past few months he seams to be taking it every weekend.Its so hard for me as I dont do this myself and it just seams like money being washed down the drain.When he tells me hes getting it I try to talk him out of it but he just says he facies it.I asked him to see it from my persective and to think how I feel inside my head.He knows he needs help and hes openly addmitted it and hes going to see the doctor next week so hoping this might help him.Its just so hard for me as I feel like I have hit a brick wall and dont know what to do and it hurts me so much that I cant even help him.I know I shouldnt focus on the past and I should put it behind me but things have happened in the past with him that just give me this sick feeling inside.All I want to do is help him but everything just turns into an argument, I dread my weekends becuase I know hes going to stay up doing coke.

[paw_x]

Hi Jess,

Please know that you can’t help him – much as you might want to try. They have to help themselves and the thing is, there is help out there. There are CA meetings he can attend every single day if he really wants help. But it’s up to him and you will drive yourself into the ground trying to fix someone who isn’t ready to get help. I probably sound very harsh but my partner had a coke problem when we got together almost 6 years ago now – and even though I left him to get clean, which he did for years, he still then relapsed last year and with my support and giving him everything he’s ever wanted, he ran us into ground. If I could go back, I’d probably make very different choices and your relationship is only a year and a half in. You don’t have to ruin your life by standing by him.

You can’t stop your partner from wrecking his own life with this rubbish, but you can protect yourself, your life, and your sanity. Is this the life you want? He has choices, he can get the help. It sounds like he’s only using at weekends so far, if he’s being honest, and so he can stop this before it goes too far. But that’s up to him. If he knows he has a problem and wants to change, he can show you by going to CA meetings. But you focus on you and what you want. You’ll see lots of our stories are the same but the main advice of women who have dealt with this for years is telling the ones who can get out to run, as we know what you’ll be in for down the line. It’s horrible and I wish I could be more positive but this drug destroys them and turns them into someone you won’t even recognise x

[Jaynielou]

Please let him go. I’m in a similar situation, been with my ex just over a year, it’s made me ill. The lies, deceit,  bullshit & promises are never ending. I’ve kicked him out & he’s now in a ymca. I’ve been so strong but on Friday he sent me a bouquet of flowers & asked to take me out for dinner as he’s now stopped smoking crack, so like an idiot I fall for it only to find out he smoked crack the day before & on the day we went for dinner. When I challenged him he turns the tables saying I’m nasty, im ungrateful & he’s telling the truth. The sad thing is they believe their own bulllshit & lies. For your own sanity & health get out while you can

 

[Nicole jones]

Hi, I also echo everyone else’s comment, I’m 30 years into my marriage and I can honestly say the past 20 years has been the hardest of my life, my husband’s addiction got worse as my dad was dying of cancer, I’m suprized I didn’t turn to anything! But I’ve never touched a drug in my life I don’t even drink so how me and my hubby have survived 30 years is beyond me. The truth is you can’t help him, he’s got to want to do this himself and if he sees no problem then he’s in denial, I pushed and pushed for rehab but the doctors only put my husband on early intervention, it was crazy how can almost 20 years be early intervention! But with constant calls I got him into pathfinders who then found a rehab, I did all the phonecall stuff as my hubby is a typical bloke but he actually wanted the help which made things slightly easier.

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