[wavy22]

Hello,

I’m the partner to an addict in ‘recovery’. He has been sober (so he says) for the last five/Six months. Initially it was great, he was attending meetings and speaking positively and talking about how he recognised the mistakes he had made. He came home from meetings feeling proud of himself and I was beginning to trust him again. Fast forward a couple of months and he stopped going to meetings. There was a shift in the way he acted.  He’s stopped seeming to care about me and everything I ask seems a big deal when he seemed to understand that there are days when i just need reassurance with the loss of trust. Now he makes out that my insecurity and my mistrust is almost a hindrance to him. He’s so annoyed at me for not trusting him that he speaks of leaving the relationship.
There are some signs that he’s using, such as the constant red nose and sniffles, the change in behaviour though these are quite subtle. He has money (that I’m aware of) when before he was broke. I asked him if he would agree to a drug test but this caused a row and he turned it round on me for not trusting him.
Other than that I don’t really have any proof that he’s using. He has stayed out for 3/4 nights at his mums following arguments but I just feel something isn’t right.
He seems to think that he wasn’t an addict after all, though he most definitely is!
I feel like he doesn’t see any value in this relationship anymore. I was kind of expecting in recovery that he’d put more work into us.
Anyway, just looking to see if anyone has been through anything similar or if I’m losing the plot! Xx

[purpleheart]

Hey Wavy,

my ex husband used to behave in the exact same way I’m sorry to say to you . After a while you just “ know”. Mine would swear on our children’s lives but all tell tale signs there – causing arguments to disappear for a few nights “ to clear his head” snotty nose , tired and then the days spent in bed . No interest in us or the family . The push on the test used to seal it for us – he refused because he was positive all day long .

mine made so many promises , told me what I wanted to hear . Went to rehab once but  Fired it off. Mine will still say to this day he isn’t dependant on cocaine  , he’s spent nearly everything he’s worked for , we sold the family home , split up and I have to drugs test him whenever he has our children , the rest of the time he sleeps all day and doesn’t go to work hardly ever .
it’s a sad existence, you need to take care of yourself in this chaos . Wishing you the best – follow your gut- cause 99.9% it’s spot on xx

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