[worried5]

Good evening and thank anyone in advance for advice or support.

This is my last ditch attempt to make some sort of sense of this situation. This might be long sorry!

So I have been married only 5 years, I have 2 children by a previous marriage and 3 with this marriage, so we have 5 altogether.

Long story cut short*ish! … only a few weeks into our marriage I figured something wasn’t quite right. I was 8 months pregnant with our 1st my 3rd. Anyway after 7 months of torment found out he had been smoking weed spending between £20 and £50 a day. And also messaging a lady from his work, sexual innuendo. He denied it at first, making out his mate borrowed his phone and forgot to delete the chat! After a month of probing he came clean it was him. Blamed it on the weed.

Threw it all away and never to do it again, he turned to alcohol, drinking every night and most days, had our 2nd and 3rd baby while he was mostly off his head drinking. No support for me at all.

He then decided to not drink be good, get a good job which he did! Great.. up to 6 months ago. I find Co codamol, paramol, other medical pills I had never heard of.

He then got suspended from his job. No reasons he gave me just he didn’t know. Obviously I had my suspicions.

So 3 months ago I receive a text message from a girl his colleague to say they had been having an affair for a year (baring in mind our youngest is only 2 now) he had conned her out of a lot of money, she didn’t know he was married, had made up awful lies to get money, she had reported him to the police etc.. Well this hit me like a slab of concrete.

I confronted him he said it was all true and it was the pills, and also cocaine, mixed with alcohol. He didn’t know what he was doing? I’m not sure I believe him!

He has since made a whole lot of promises mostly empty crap he feeds me! So today I found over the counter med hidden in a cupboard. Asked him and he denies knowing they were even there!

I guess I’m looking for someone in a similar situation to help me see some sense of all this. I have no trust left, no respect and feel like a paranoid freak checking his clothes for pills or receipts or money! Checking his phone daily, his emails texts etc.. this is no way to live but i don’t know what to do?

How do I forgive an affair, pills, lies, while I’m trying to raise 5 beautiful children and keep my head above water all at the same time?

Sorry its long and thank you.

W 5

[laylab1]

I am so sorry to hear your story. All I can say is you need to start taking care of yourself and your kids. He will drain you and drive you mad. How can you forgive affair, pills, lies? You can’t, all you can do is move forward but decide do you want to move forward with him or with out him. Unless he wants to quit (and doesn’t sound like he does) he seems to just move to another drug of choice, nothing you can do. If you read other stories you will see unless they want to change there is nothing you or anyone can do. Maybe once he hits rock bottom, but even that has its basement.

My advice would be to seek support (family, friends, groups) for yourself and and your kids ASAP, because for you it will just get worse as time progresses and your self esteem and mental health will suffer.

[worried5]

Thank you so much for your reply. I know I am kicking myself really because I am not this kind of person who just sits and takes the crap like this, I’m normally a very independent woman who holds her own, I’ve hit the floor with this situation.

Think like most out there I’m still in complete denial that this has actually happened! He refuses to talk about it just carries on day to day as if life is normal!

And it’s far from in my mind. But I’m so occupied with the kids, schooling, my business and trying to still find the will to get through another day that I have no energy left, I end up exhausted and then thinking outside the box and making matters worse in my head.

I did call an advice line yesterday the lady I spoke with gave me very similar advice to basically ignore him and his ways and concentrate on me and the children. Make us happy and let him soul destroy himself without taking me with him. Just got to find that oomph to turn that thought into practice.

Thank you again for replying, and taking the time to give me some friendly advice x

[guardians]

Contact FamAnon for support. They are very helpful.

[Author]

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