[jubbyj]

I have been dealing with a fiancé that has been addicted to coke and crack for five years now. We got together almost six years ago and we fancied our drinks and lines of coke here and there but this has gotten so very bad. My fiancé goes out to the store or to his friends house at least once every 7 days and disappears after that. He basically takes our only car and leaves me with his two children with no way to contact him and no understanding when hell be home. He does this WEEKLY. I am newly pregnant and fucking exhausted of this. Im at the point where I don’t even feel bad for him in the slightest. Im PISSED. Im so angry and so full of rage that I literally don’t know how to cope anymore. Contemplating just leaving this earth or running far far far away. Im taking out my anger on my friends and my family and its literally ruining my life. I can’t sleep or eat properly when he’s gone because of the anxiety. And when he gets back I get filled with broken promises about getting help or contacting a counsellor. Please any advice or any resources before I do something stupid.

[Lozzy80]

Hi jubbyj

It’s constant chaos and turmoil and until they get help and their actions show they are wanting to change , it just gets worse

It sounds as though you’re at that point of wanting to leave and to be honest I think it’s probably for the best. Don’t let him drag you down further.

I have been wanting to get out now for a long time but the ok /calmer times I get sucked back in, I still love him and cling onto hope . But it’s totally destroying me.

I’ve realised I need my own help, and I’ve reached out for help now and have a counselling referral currently going through ready to start in the new year – free via NHS.

If the counselling doesn’t help me get to a place where I can leave safely , I don’t know what else I can do…. My final straw was lending thousands to pay off dealers with a promise it was his final wake up call …3 weeks later in exactly same mess again, and the mood swings on top …just had enough!

I find keeping a journal also helps, reminds me I’m not going mad , and identify patterns more so know it’s not me (he will make out it is!)… So thats helped me keep my sanity a bit ….and seeking support here too has helped.

Wishing you strength and a peaceful future xx

[alipali83]

This makes me sad because I know it so well. My partner doesn’t “nightwalk” any more but the potential is still there – I used to sleep with my house keys and car key in my pillowcase…

Its fucking hard. My partner is going to cocaine anonymous so its a start. Can’t really say he is sticking to it but its acceptance at least. Theres a bit in the AA book called to the wives if you google it, its an interesting read.

I have felt like you – I have self harmed before but thats on me. The only advice I have is that addiction really is an illness. I’ve been to every CA meeting with my partner and they really do not want to be behaving like this. They don’t choose it.

However if you can’t get your fiance (mine is a fiance too but we never will afford a wedding so I say partner) to the point of acceptance you have to really think about how long you are willing to wait x

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