[adamuk]

I always used cocaine but just for fun when going out. After suffering a number of family problems. My dosage increased. I have been using an average of 3/4 times a week for the last 5 years. I’ve spent thousands. I use it to numb myself so I don’t have to think. It’s destroying me. I’m near the end know I think. I keep thinking death will bring me peace. I’ve got a wife who stuck beside me people who love me.

[michelle8t6]

Death will not bring you peace, death is death. It’s the end, it doesn’t bring YOU anything, it only brings misery to those who love you. There is help out there, that’s why we are all on here. We’ve already made the first step to being better. My uncle took his own life, and the impact it has had on the whole family is indescribable. His mother my Grandmother is in a bad way, and we’re talking 14 years down the line. My mother his sister, she’s been on anti depressants and I mean addicted to them since he left us. His children are lost, in and out of prison (why would dad leave me) it’s not the answer for anybody, life should be cherished, the good and the bad. I’m on here to try and help myself but also I hope I can help others along my own journey. I took coke Friday night, and the guilt I felt the next day the shame and the guilt was unbearable. I’m holding onto that shame and trying to better myself. Summit has to give, and i think now is the time to change. Before it’s too late. You can change, you’re already a step closer to getting off it. You’re talking about it, open about it effecting your life. Your wife loves you, and if you love her you have to try. I’m doing it for my kids. Stay strong. We’re all in it together on here. I’m so glad I found this site.

[jamesz]

I couldn’t agree with Michelle more!

I come from a family of addicts, which should have been a warning to me but it wasn’t (maybe its just in the genes), and I also have had family members overdose from drugs and alcohol addictions, commit suicide from gambling debts and I have seen the misery and destruction that is left in the wake of a family member committing suicide, similar to Michelle iv seen family members in and out of prison and even had two family members not long after their mother committed suicide were jailed for murder, I can assure you this wouldn’t have happened if their mother was still around!

I too have spent thousands and thousands over the years on cocaine and when I stopped to think about exactly how much its eye watering! But you can always make more money so dont fixate on that.

You say that your increased use has come as a result of family problems and you’ve got a wife who stuck beside and people who love you! Imagine the impact and family problems you will cause those around you by doing such a thing!

Focus on what you are trying to numb! Sit with that feeling and work through that grief! Drugs to not make those things disappear they just make you forget for a while! If you truly want peace in your life then you have to work through these problems! Having been in and out of counselling myself for around 4/5 years I cant tell you how much of an impact a good counsellor can have!

Assuming you havent tried counselling before it will go something like this:

First few sessions your thinking – What on earth am I doing here! Wont open up to much, cant wait to get out (counsellors have seen this all before and will see straight through it)

Later sessions – you will start to really look at things with a new perspective and start to uncover thoughts and feelings you have just pushed away, things you didn’t even realise were having such a huge impact on your life decisions! Once you get here then the real work starts!

Dont give up! You can beat this, you just have to be willing to put in the hard work! So just ask yourself are you ready and willing to put in that work for you wife, my gut feeling says you are ready to put the work in mate!

[dnanon]

Long term

Does anyone know about the long term effects of using cocaine? I know about the nasal problems but would like to know about gastric or bowel problems.

[dnanon]

Sorry Adam, I meant to put my post on the general site, not specifically for you. With regard to your circumstances I would take the advice of the others who have responded and get yourself some help for your local drug addiction service. It sounds like you will have the support of your wife which is good. However, you have to want to stop and take those steps. I wish you the best of luck.

[larko444]

Fun has stopped for me

[adamuk]

Fun stope for me a long time ago. I need it know just to feel normal otherwise I can’t stop Sleeping. I never knew so many people in the same boat. I’m a good father and financially provide for my family but always looking to escape into my bubble for a couple of hours. No fun at all just like I have to. My savings are nearly gone. I love my kids if they won’t here I’d be gone.

[michelle8t6]

Me too Larko.

What I’ve came to realise is the high if you can call it a high, isn’t worth £40 a time, isn’t worth the guilt, isn’t worth the late nights and then the endless cravings. It’s just not. I had better highs from dodgy E’s when I was a tear away teen lol. And I wouldn’t dream of taking an E now, so why do I as an adult think it’s normal to waste all this money on such a shit pointless 20 min high, that I’m chasing all night. Finding £20 in my old jeans that’s a proper high lol, eating a naughty slice of pizza is a real good high haha, and it’s a slice I’m not ashamed of. Wouldn’t go around bragging about having a slice of “fruit” cocaine in case you’re not familiar with that terminology lol. I’m even ashamed that I know it lol. I know all the pathetic names for it

Yayo, Beak, Powder, Charlie, fruit, slice, key I mean the list goes on. All things people come up with so they didn’t have to say the word Cocaine. Because it’s not something you want anyone to know about. That’s another reason why I want off it for good. The thought of anyone knowing I use. The thought of my children ever finding out.

I’m out of pocket, and riddled with guilt.

But being on this site, proves we’re not alone, we all share the same guilt, and the same want to be a better person.

[michelle8t6]

That’s it there is nothing fun about it, nothing fun about feeling like this. And there is one reason we are all feeling like this. Cocaine. I already feel stronger, knowing that so many others are in the same boat. I feel like we’re all doing this together, if I let myself down I’m also letting you lot down, let alone my beautiful family. Summit has got to give. As I was saying to another person in our boat, we can use the money on so much better stuff, our children for a start. And it’s not just the money, it’s the time we spend feeing lethargic or depressed, we wouldn’t be feeling that way if we wasn’t on a come down or in withdrawal.. our kids would see a much better role model and fun loving parent. You and all of us, are capable of beating it. Kicking it for good

[larko444]

Everyone is telling my story great to know I am not alone I may loose my wife and child tomorrow when have tom come clean again but tonight I feel like I want to live a small bit

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