[misslcm]

My son is 20 and still at home with me, just been the 2 of us since his father left 11 years ago. We have such a close bond and get on so well which makes it so hard to watch him destroy himself by taking drugs. He has been smoking cannabis for years now, when I 1st found out I went crazy, stopped him having any cash and checking his every move but all to no avail as he continued on the sly. About 3 years ago he got involved with legal highs which are now not legal and on 2 occasions was taken to hospital via ambulance as he had passed out in the street. After the 2nd time of being in hosp we spoke and I decided to accept the cannabis smoking as it seemed the lesser of 2 evils and I felt it might stop him taking anything else. That wasn’t to be as he then had a major episode of taking Methedrone for several weeks, running up debts and losing weight rapidly. This was sorted out and left him needing GP care as he had become depressed and suffering from anxiety for which he was given meds. He talks of not wanting to wake up, of being sick of life, he tells me he didn’t ask to be here. I actually get scared he might end it all one day as just couple of months ago I found him in his room tying T-shirts together sat on floor in very dark mood. I sat with him, cried with him and we got over that, apparently he was owe someone cash for cannabis and this was why he was so low. I maxed out my credit cards and paid his debts so we could start again and try get him on right road but yet again, kick in the teeth for me as I discovered he was getting hooked on coke!! I confronted him, he told me truth in the end and how bad it was, he was only doing it to feel happy as he felt his meds from GP didn’t help anymore etc. More debts needed cleared, this time by my mum who used her savings. Again we all spoke and moved forward but my son refuses to talk to GP so getting no help for him. Then again 2 weeks ago BANG he has done same again with coke and more of my mums saving are used, same excuses as before but told me he gets bored, depressed and lonely when I am out all day working to provide!! I spoke to my GP and he signed me off work to be with my son in the hope I could get him to attend an appointment with GP but no joy! I am now at my wits end as I am convinced my son is using coke again last few days and I have no-one to talk to, my mum is great at giving financial support but no good at letting me talk about what is going on, I have no-one to sit with him when he is going through the lows, crying and sobbing or the highs when is on edge, over talking and being edgy. I have confronted him but he denies using again, he is eating well but sleep pattern all over and his mood is up/down. My gut feeling just keeps screaming something aint right and its never let me down before! This is killing me as I cant sleep, walk the dog crying my eyes out like an idiot. Any advice be great! Sorry for going on but felt good to just let some of it go…..xx

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey hun……its hard isnt it…..There is a real pattern to him using, and there is a real pattern to you bailing him out all the time…..You are enabling him and whilst you continue to do so, you are part of his addiction……I dont mean to sound harsh, but from what you have said, he isnt ready to quit just yet…..We have all been down this road, and the next hardest part is to stop handing out money….cause it will never end……Ive heard it all..he is going to kill himself, someone is after him cause he owes them money….sadly im imune to it all now and dont give him ANYTHING…..He cant come home cause I dont want his addiction in the house..ive had over 4 years of it and like you been at my wits end..at times wanting to walk away and leave myself…What you need is support..its his addiction not yours…… The excuses will continue to fly if you let them…get tough and stop enabling him…and find a local support group for YOU….. We love our kids, and the worst thing is seeing them take this rubbish…….massive hugs to you xxxxx

[icarus-trust]

Reading your story has made me feel sad but also inspired. You were so brave caring for and supporting your husband through really tough times. I am glad that you have found this site and hope it helps you.
I work for a charity called Icarus Trust who help people who have been affected by addiction. We offer a free service and if you contact us, we could put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are trained volunteers who have experienced living with addiction in their own lives. It might help you to talk through how you are feeling with one of them and they could help you find further support if you need it.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that talking to people who understand helps you. Good luck!

[jb4pp4ever]

Thank You:) I will have a look on your website and maybe contact Icarus. I feel isolated where I’ve moved to. Thanks xx

[icarus-trust]

You’re very welcome. Its always good to talk. I do hope Icarus Trust can help you.

[charlotteicarus]

Dear Sandy

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through and the impact your mother’s addiction has had on you and the family. If you would like to speak to someone who has had the experience that you are going through, I work for a charity called the Icarus Trust. It was set up to support families and friends of addicts i.e. people like you. Talking to someone who has had the same experiences will help you to discuss the ways you can try to heal your relationship with your mother.

We have experienced and trained volunteers called Family Friends who you could talk to if you wanted to. It is a free service. You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website; http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that you get the help and support needed to help your relationship with your mother.

Charlotte

[misslcm]

Hey..Thanks for replying.Its very hard especially playing detective to work out if he is using! Just had yet another blazing row with him as obvious to me he is using today, so hurtful way their mood changes and things they say to us when they are feeling invincible! Soooo hard watching him destroy himself, was only last week bits of black tissue falling out his nose and he was adament tgat was turning point…week later here we are again!! Like you I have had enough and think its time to leave him to it as nothing I do seems good enough..xxxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi An,
I’m sorry that you are dealing with a really hard situation. You sound incredibly strong but are facing hard choices.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that offers one to one support from experienced trained volunteers (called Family Friends )who will talk things through with you. The family Friends have experienced living with addiction in their own families so it may help you to talk to someone who could share experiences and signpost you to help that is available.
Its a free service so should be worth a try.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck! I hope that you can find some support to help you deal with what you are going through.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi Ann, I am so sorry to read your story….it’s hard. Frustrating,annoying and extremely frightening..I know because my son was the same…after 4 years I told my son not to contact me until he made better changes…that meant getting real help! He had no real place to go just like your son,but as hard as it was I just couldn’t cope anymore…so my son went to a drug and alcohol centre, was assigned a counsellor, went to the Job centre, got himself a job and then rang me…that was. Early five months ago, and yes he has relapsed, 3 times, but after each time he’s got back on the recovery road. It’s not easy, he fights it every day, and has even got support from his doctor, and has also been assigned a psych Counsellor. Them more people supporting him, the better his chances..I have been there every step of the way, BUT it was ultimately down to him. I’m in s couple of support groups, have read everything I can get my hands on to try to understand this terrible illness….you need just as much support as he does, but the biggest thing is remain strong…perhaps encourage him to seek professional help, because the brick wall will come, and it’s at these times he will really need it……I cannot believe that for this moment in time my son has returned. To the caring, happy, loving son……but I know that can change in a minute . Only you know if it’s right taking him back, but making it too easy for him isn’t the answer..massive well done to your son for taking g the first positive steps of becoming drug free..hugs Hunni, here checking in most weeks if you need to chat xxxx

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