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Hi I just found the site and sat reading posts I’m not alone in this devastating situation then. My partner of 20 years father to my 18 year old is using. I’ve suspected it for months but I lost my mum in October so blocked it out I guess. The mood swings and temper are uncontrollable he zoned out of his sons a levels never even congratulated him when he arrived home after last one. Still dont think he’s realised he’s now left and waiting on results. He constantly put both of us down saying we are just using him for money, I don’t work he’s self employed and suddenly started working till 11pm not calling for hours. I ignored the constant nose rubbing sniffing etc, I ignored the red eyes and the pupils dilated and constricted depending on time of day. Then one day last week I asked him why he was slurring his words on the phone he was taken back to say the least he wasn’t expecting me to say that. Few days later I rang him and he again was slurring uncontrollably this time and driving he said he was Ill from last nights food. Few mins later he rang saying he was on way home it was 11.30am He almost took the whole road out pulling up, walked in the door bouncing off the ceiling pupils like pins and said he was hungry for toast. He ate it in between uncontrollable nose rubbing etc. he then did the garden came in and disappeared upstairs something he does each night that I ignored. In the bathroom for an hour every night the minute he comes in. Anyway when he came down his eyes were red he was slurring and sat down and passed out on sofa slobbering for hours. I confronted him he denied it dragged my son down saying have you heard the latest etc. after much arguing etc I said my mum died last year through alcohol addicted I had to hear that off a coroner, I was very upset, he cried and shook for half an hour refusing to look at me. I went to bed and next day he came in with a saliva drug test that he says he’d done upstairs and it was all clear except for opioids as he’s taking codeine for toothache. I never asked him to do another one in front of me but said your actions and the future will tell us everything. The test I looked at next morning and it had positive for cannabis opi bzo and thc. But I’m reading 20 mins later the test isn’t true. Since then he’s come in on a high then an hour later he’s out cold. Sunday we went out with son and I know he was high when he came out of the toilets. Last night he disappeared upstairs again rubbing his nose talking fast as anything. Then in the space of a few mins he was out cold slobbering jumping in the sleep coma. I’m lost my heart says he’s not taking anything my head says wake up he’s an addict and can’t stop even at home. Anyway that’s my story I’m lost we’re supposed to be going on holiday camping next week but honestly I don’t trust him driving or having drugs in car. Any advice would be very much welcomed because I can’t function no more. Everyone says help the addict what about the family ????
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I’m sorry noone’s replied, so here I am on July 17th. He is using and is clearly heavily addicted. The wisest thing is for you to go and see Women’s Aid and see how they can help you and your son (although as an 18 year old he’s now an adult.) As you don’t work, it’s likely that you can stay in your home while he will have to move.
(Realistically, even moving out doesn’t guarantee your partner will change/quit. Addiction is a horrible and selfish disease. Many don’t have the capacity for empathy, as they’re too busy thinking about their next hit.) My younger brother misused drugs most of his life but we had early childhood trauma, so I understood the reasons for using, and as he lived 30 miles away, I didn’t – happily – have to witness it. We met up every 2-3 months for walks and sometimes lunch. I paid a few of his bills the last 5 years of his life, but never gave him cash.
Have you got family close by who can help in some way. You have rights, so get the best possible legal advice – and Women’s Aid advice – you can. Sending hugs and strength to you! Fight for you and your son and don’t look back. It’s not your fault, btw. It’s trauma, not anyone’s fault.
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This sounds like Ketamin addiction. The slurring, passing out into a K Hole, the nastiness. If it was cocaine you would have money issues by now unless you’re wealthy.
Ketamin is cheap hence why it’s so popular with the youngsters
The best drug tests are the urine dip tests if he will do it in front of you. You can get them on the Internet
I really feel for you but you’re far far from alone
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Daisy day just read your post ,how are you ? I went through this for 2 years , sympathise completely. Everyday was torture , questioning him , myself and lies like I’ve never known ever. Sending hugs xx</p>
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