[buster1234]

Is there ever an end to the parents / family suffering at the hands of an addict. Why do I still send him money and leave myself short? Guilt I guess, I thought I’d brought him up to the same standards as me. I knew there was something different about my son from an early age but the system didn’t believe me. Then transpires he was self medicating from the age of 14. Started with weed which I suspected but couldnt prove until he was caught out age 16. Now 20 still on weed sometimes supplemented with coke. On anti psychotic meds too which don’t mix.

I had to refuse him home 2 years ago on bail after smashing the house up again. I then had a breakdown (had my own mental health demons, still have). His friend kicked him out so my parents took him in. Another two years of hell, only it was happening towards my parents. They kicked him out now too. He can’t come back to me as housing association helped me downsize to a one bed.

The constant manipulation for money is what is breaking me now. I try so hard to say no, then it’s “life isn’t worth living etc” all the bullshit but still I fall for it.

To be honest I don’t feel my life is worth living. I’m not living, I’m existing just. All because I am clinging to the hope he will get into rehab and be my son again. he’s had his interview and a bed will be available in 4 months!!

Is there light and the end of the tunnel or am I kidding myself. I took the rose coloured glasses off years ago but the guilt kills me so I give him money. Makes me just as bad as I’m enabling his addiction. Oh man this is soooo hard to put into words and share but I don’t know what else to do now.

[liberty]

Buster1234, thank you for sharing your post. You are not alone in all of this, I hate to read you’re at a very low point in all of this, I can only empathise with you, I’ve had many low points with my partner who is a life long crack addict. In moments of happiness and clarify even he’d admit he doesn’t like the lifestyle choices he makes, but deep down he chooses this life and has for a very long time, also since he was a teenager, which sounds similar to your boy. It took me years to accept that my bf wasn’t ever going to change until he really wanted to, until then I think we have no choice but to battle as our role of enabler, and I know from personal experience how hard that really is. Xx

[cfer]

Buster1234

I’m so glad I read your post, I feel your pain.i have a 38 year old who is now taking crack cocaine, I look at him and don’t even see the son I know. I’ve watched him go from the perfect child to an adult I don’t even recognise anymore. We have tried everything to support him and try to get him off the drugs only to find out he was doing it in my house. I have had drug dealers at my door knocking for money, I have had 4masked men smash down my door and come into my house looking for him, all of this was done in front of myself and my grandchildren. We have tried to get him into rehab and when the place was available he was no where to be soon so he lost it. He steals and robs to feed his habit has been in and out of prison and nothing helps. At first you try to ignore try to convince yourself it’s not happening, now I look at him and my heart bleeds asi know I have lost him to the drug. He gets arrested and gives my address, even though he doesn’t live here so I get the police here looking for him all the time. He’s lost every home he has had , blames me for my lack of support and that’s his reason for taking it, but I honestly don’t know what else I can do.

I hope that your son does take the bed and it does work. It’s a horrible thing to say as I wouldn’t wish this on any family but I am glad I’m not the only one , as I know I’ve done everything I can but as a parent you can’t help feeling where did I fail him.

[Nikkij72]

I’ve just joined as I’m at the end of what I can do for my family. My brother has been an addict of something since he was 17 years old – he’s now 47. Started off with alcohol for a good 25 years, graduated to heroin and crack cocaine (which he still struggles with) and gambling. He has taken every single penny from my Mum and regularly cons money out of me – his web of lies is incredible. Today I saw him and he was so in denial – all the problems our family experience are because of him but he is the one that feels hard done by. My family is a mess and I’m the one that holds it all together. I have my own issues – bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia and Elhers Danlos syndrome yet I feel I have to be strong for everyone. My Dad has checked out – at a loss as to what else I can do. I’ve been supporting them financially but can’t keep doing it. I’m anxious and depressed. What’s the point?

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