[spirea]

Hi,

I met my partner 7 years ago, he was on a 3 year methadone treatment for heroin but was honest about it and told me he really wanted out. He was getting the care he needed and was very good about it.

We fell in love and 4 years later, moved to a place where it was difficult for him to get his treatment (longer drive and different treatment plan that didn’t really suit him) we talked about it, he said he wanted out of methadone and would slowly taper down his doses.

I am not at all knowledgable on the subject of heroin and in hindsight, would have tried to advise differently. But it was always his journey, his fight and he felt confident.

He got off it, feeling pretty bad, sleeping all the time, very depressed.

He stayed clean for less than a year.

I knew something was up. He wasn’t himself, so euphoric and stupid then nodding off and falling asleep. He would get this look on his face. I knew it was heroin, I found little clues here and there. We talked, he said no, i have a sleeping problem. I told him something is up, I’m worried.

I sent him to 3 doctors, gave him opportunities to get help.

This lasted 2 years, he always denied. I trusted him. Gave him so much energy and love (and also tears and anger)

Yesterday morning I found a bag of heroin on the table near my coffee mug.

I freaked out. Sent him a picture, he denies, again, some crap excuse so that night I came home with a drug test. He finally breaks: he’s sorry, he’ll quit, he feels shameful and guilty.

I’m exhausted. I love him and want to see him happy but I don’t know if can ever trust him again.

Will my life be a rollercoaster of love, lying and anger?

My childhood was physically and emotionally abusive already, I don’t feel like I have the tools or support system required to handle this.

Also found out his brother, that spawn of satan, is the one tempting him and selling it to him.

I sent him a really bad hate text this morning. That I dont recommend because I feel very guilty now.

Thanks for reading

[Author]

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