[eveygurl]

I need help, any kind word or gesture can help me out right now. Im 24 years old and I live in Florida, about a year ago I met the LOVE of my LIFE in my english class. We started off 4 months becoming the best of friends, he fell madly in love with me, and i too began to fall in love with him. Our chemistry was AMAZING, we would finish each others sentences. About 4 months into our relationship i found some things were super sketchy about him like he would cancel plans with me, show up late….all to add up that he was an EX heroin addict of 7 years……He decides to tell me now after its TOO LATE to walk away or run for the hills….so yes i decided to stay with him and help him get the help he needed for proper recovery…..if only i would listen to my brain and not my heart i should of known that i cant help him, he has to want to help himself! now after some time and he would tell me to my face he is getting better, i believed him. he even convinced me that he was OK to drink alcohol but i didnt know any better, i have never been in a situation like this before in my life…so we would go out for drinks……then i found out he would lie behind my back and get HAMMERED by himself without me there….so many times he told me was in bed or “still working” but he was getting shitfaced……we were suppose to be moving in together to a nice townhouse last month but it never happened because he wrote a check from a closed bank account, he didnt want to hurt my feelings and tell me he wasnt ready……we broke up last week and im a EMOTIONAL wreck. I cant eat or do anything i even quit my job because i cant do much of anything…..i feel as if im empty……the life has been sucked out of me..i know he loves me unconditionally…..but he thinks its best if he takes his space…….i dont know if he plans on using again? he told me he doesnt plan on using again and that hes going 4 help and he doesnt want 2 hurt me anymore……he thinks i deserve better….but he is a good person deep down…..i dont know what i should do……do i wait? i feel as if tables were turned he would wait for me…….i love him so much……hes my soulmate 🙁 i feel like im dying inside…..help

[godsjoy]

I read your words… I feel your pain… I know your hurt. I, too, met the love of my life when I was 24. We didn’t meet in college or anywhere like that but at my workplace. From the moment I saw him I knew we had a connection and I knew it was really special. We fell in love over the course of 2-3 months of dating. He too was hiding his drug problem from me except he didn’t and hadn’t quit! When I found out I was devestated but also understanding… why I was understanding is beyond me. I had 2 young daughters from a previous marriage that their father had cheated on all of us by being with another woman! I guess I wanted to understand it in order to keep from losing him and being lonely. The damage of that was far worse than the initial loss for him in the beginning would have been. I found out he was smoking crack cocaine (hundreds of dollars worth a night) when I was waken by the pounding of state troopers fists on my front door! They ask permission to search my home and ‘tada’ there it was inside a medicine bottle stuck into my couch cushions! He was man enough to admit to it belonging to him which kept me from losing my babies and also going to jail but he also managed to agree to ‘narc’ on his dealers. Which he did and it sent them to several years in the pen! That is what caused his crack cocaine use to come to a halt. We lived in a small town with no more than 3,500-4,000 people in the last census report. You can just imagine how quick news of is ‘narcing’ spread throughout that town. Anger from many caused us to have to pack up and leave. I stayed with him thinking the worst was over… wrong! He picked up on abusing pain pills and started drinking liquor on a daily basis. Even during a hospital admittance he had me slide whiskey in for him! Which he had already on more than several occasions taught me to obey him. So I did! He has caused me to have broken ribs, broken nose, 2 black eyes, multiple bruising all over my body, and scarred my forehead from a beer bottle that he broke in my face! I was terrified to leave him. He would threaten me if I tried saying he would kill my girls. My way of fixing my problem was to join him in his drug use and also become lost to the drugs euphoria which made everything seem o.k. when under it’s influence! I also became addicted to pain pills and will always be an addict. I realie it now but it took me a very long time to admit my problem. & years I spent with this man! 7 years I lived in and out of hellish situations with him. Some were great times… I have thousands of great memories but then I also lived in hundreds of bad times which always seemed to get worse and worse. We had to seperate when he got arrest for a warrant issued by his ex-wife for child support. He was extradited back to that state and that is where he remains to this day! We didn’t split by choice but by force. I do still love him and I will till I die but sometimes it’s better to just love someone but be apart. After all we went through I now see that. I should have walked away in the begging when I found out he was on crack. I will love this man until my dying day… I have only learned how to live with the hurt of not having him, and deal with living again with a broken heart. I honor what we have inside myself. We call each other daily or at least send a quick text when we have really busy days! He knows how I feel and I know he still loves me! Sounds crazy saying that after everything we went through! We relive moments together… and cry together … we see what we had will forever be only memories and that instead of hurting each other during our worse times we should have embraced each other. I can’t tell you what to do! I know I LOVE my ex and will forever LOVE him. No one will ever compare or replace him in my heart! You ask should you wait? My answer to you is do what your heart pulls at you to do… if it says wait he’s worth it and he ain’t a lost cause then Id say your heart is right! No matter what you decide to do just be 100% positive it’s whats best for you. Don’t wait out of pity, don’t tell yourself he needs you cause he has his problem. If those are the reasons you feel you need to wait for him then don’t bother! His problem will exist with or without you… you are powerless to it and only HE can be willing to STAY OFF the drugs and want to get better FOR HIMSELF! I pray he has this very thing in his heart and on his mind to do. If he does and you stand strong beside him the 2 of you could possibly have the most fantastic life full of the kind of ‘fairy tale love’ that most people only long to experience during their life! So, is he worth waiting for? What do you think your heart is saying to you? I will say a prayer for you and ask God to help guide you to make the best decision! I’ll ask for Him to take your worries of his (your ex’s) failure away and I will ask God to watch over your ex , help guide him to becoming better, give him strength to continue staying clean and ask that God sees to it your ex Never stops loving himself because if he stops loving who he is then he will drown himsel in addiction so bad he will be on everything lose everything and be hurting everyone without a care in the world… we don’t want anyone to be like that! God Bless You for sharing your story. It brought me much pleasure to think about my life during the ‘good times’ I had with the love of my life! Thank you!

[doing-the-best-that-i-can]

I don’t know what to say apart from I read it feel in hell myself but want you to know that someone is listening even if they don’t know what to do, read my blog called happening now don’t know if we can help each other at the moment but maybe we can get stronger from it

[Author]

Posts