[Udhfrz5668]

<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’;”>Me (32F) and my ex/boyfriend (34M) broke up because of his addiction (cocaine) and subsequent cheating in his addiction. He needs time to heal, I need time to heal, as I do not trust he can be a good partner atm. Advice on ever getting back with a recovering addict after months/years apart?</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’; min-height: 15px;”></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’; min-height: 15px;”></p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’;”>Dear fellow online friends,</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’;”>me and my boyfriend were the love of our lives. We have been together for one year. After two months he told me about his struggles with cocaine addiction. There was never any toxicity in our relationship. Only love. Was only ever supported, not enabling (stopped drinking) not co-dependet. I always knew that relapses and recovery go hand in hand.</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’;”>We wanted to spend our lives together. His life has gone down hill since his company (industrial designer) lost important clients.</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’;”>He told me a few weeks ago, that during one of his relapses he slept with an other woman. After one week of NC, we both came to the conclusion that at this time in our lives we cannot be together. He said he will take three months to himself to really concentrate on his life and making better choices. I said, that at the moment, I do not trust, that he can be the partner I need.
I really never thought he would cheat on me, even though his addiction, since we were so in love. That he did it only showed me and him how bad it really is.
Does any one of you has experience with really loving partners who were/are addicted? Did you also take a break? How long was the break?
How did you rekindle?
Thank you so much for your help!!!!
I really want to spend my life with this man.
We both will respect NC to the fullest, since he really needs this time.</p>

[SaoirseJS]

Hey there,

your story really resonates. When they are sober, you know in your heart that they wouldn’t ever cheat. The love was/is pure. But you don’t deserve to be cheated on full stop. I know it’s his illness, but you don’t deserve to sit there wondering when/if it might happen again. I don’t have much advice, but also keen to see other peoples responses to you, I guess for a bit of hope for you and I. I went back several times to a cheating addict, and it happened again and again. I know it’s the drugs really, but that doesn’t mean he could stop himself doing it in the future. I think you are doing great with the no contact, I bet it’s killing him as much as you. Take some time to heal with the hurt he has caused, give him his space to show he’s actively recovering, then see where you are in a few months. We are only on this planet for a short time though, please don’t go back if there’s even a slight feeling that he might do it again.

wishing you both health and happiness, hope you both get the outcome you desire x

[Udhfrz5668]

Dear SaoirseJS,

thank you so much for commenting on my post. Not sure why it was posted with that gibberish at the start.

It is just SO strange! Would have never thought that happening. Thank you for your kind words. They did helped me.

He never cheated on girlfriends in the past (before his addiction), I do believe him there. And he was the one who told me and he was always honest about any relapse. He owned up to it whole heartedly. Which gives me a bit of hope for some future (maybe in a year?). But it depends what the drug will still do to him in the meantime….

When I read the stories here from other partner of cocaine addicts, I dont think it will be a good idea to get back together. Lots of heartache.

How was it with you? Did he seem honest to you as well?

Thank you soooo much for your kind reply!!!!

I never dealt with addiction before this. Read all about it, but reading and living are entirely different things.

 

[Author]

Posts