[bt1978]

Hey

Thanks for the post that took guts and deserves a reply.

People assume that alcoholism just affects the alcoholic. They don’t realise the impact it has on the family, and the ripple affect it has outwards to everyone they come into contact with.

From what you have written it doesn’t sound like there is any intention of him being ready to sort himself out or get help. This means that you are going to have to work on yourself and adjusting. It won’t be easy as he is family, how you feel is natural, and you can’t just cut off – at the same time there isn’t much you can do either. It’s so difficult.

Have you ever tried Al anon for support? There will be many people in the same boat as you and this may be a good place to start

[februarymarie]

I really appreciate your response! It’s so nice to have someone acknowledge your feelings.

Yes, I have attended Al-anon many times over the last two years. It does have a good plan to keep you focused on your own issues; however, it’s not encouraged to talk about your “person”. I’ve really been needing a support group to be able to just talk and share and I hope I’ve found it here. Thank you!

[bt1978]

No problem. The reason I asked that was to make sure you have support as this is alit to take on.

Do you think he is receptive to getting help or reaching out?

[februarymarie]

He hasn’t been in the past at all. Interesting, we have not been in communication for a while and he just texted me this morning and is trying to wean again and said that he is going to try and take his therapy more seriously. He was very apologetic. I plan on encouraging him to seek rehab if he’ll do it. We’ve been down this road before, so I’ll just try and be encouraging and not get myself too involved. I’m going to try and just stay focused on getting stronger myself.

[bt1978]

Therapy is good for sure, but I also think sometimes addicts opt for this as a softer option (I know as I did it myself) and wonder if meetings would help. A practical programme of action and structure to help sort things out, somewhere to be and also a support network to take the load off you?

[februarymarie]

I couldn’t agree more. I do think he tries taking the easiest route. He has attended just a couple of AA meetings in the past but nothing of significance. It’s frustrating. We’ve talked about this so many times, that he can’t do this by himself- it hasn’t worked for him.

He has a long way to go. He has yet to fully acknowledge that alcohol is the reason for the long list of problems in his life. If he truly does start up with his counselor again (who’s a former alcoholic himself), that would be good because he’s a very strong advocate of AA and a no-nonsense guy who doesn’t put up with his excuses.

I pray often that he will get himself involved with something that will give him support with people who have gone through it. I know I need that.

[bt1978]

Honestly I feel tough love is important. Manipulation is a huge part of addiction, either getting people to feel sorry for me or spinning things to enable me to carry on, you need people who are no nonsense.

Can he get to some online meetings

[februarymarie]

Hi- he definitely could go to online meetings. He could and should do a lot of things. I’ve made soooo many suggestions, but at this point it’s on him to find what is going to get him better and he has to want it. That’s part of the reason interventions have not worked with him. Right now we’re not communicating a lot- it’s strained. It’s very sad.

You mentioned previously that you had issues with addiction. What made you finally stop?

[bt1978]

The only thing that can induce stopping and staying stopped is hitting rock bottom in my honest opinion, that looks different for everyone

[februarymarie]

I’m sure you’re right. He’s had so many things that I would’ve thought were be THE rock bottom and they weren’t.

Thanks for all you’re input. 🙂

[bt1978]

It’s astonishing how far alcoholics and addicts will go, the power of denial can’t be underestimated

[Author]

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