[louise123]

5 years ago I was married and not in a happy marriage I came from an abusive relationship, but I had children so I stayed and suffered in silence.

Until this man came along and made me feel better about myself and turned my world up side down. He made me feel things that I had not felt in very long time, love, passion. I could be me again, so we started an affair, we couldnt get enough of each other I wanted to be with him all the time,

A few months into the relationship I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know what to do, I felt scared as i knew the baby i was carrying was not my husbands, so I decided to proceed in the pregnancy, at this point I still could not leave the marital home because of my children . my husband would of turned the children we had together against me I couldnt lose my children,

Stupidly I stayed, the man i was seeing had always been a drinker, I just didn’t know how bad it actually was at that point. So I proceeded in the pregnancy but his drinking got worse he gave up his job,

This is when things really changed he started asking me for money all the time, and his behaviour had changed but I was pregnant and I was trying to concentrate on that so I annoyed what was really happening around me.

After the baby was born i started to notice that he was changing even more. I could not put my finger on it at all what was going on with him. I thought that there was another women involved, weeks went on and finally he told me that he had been taking drugs for months.I was in complete and utter shock how did I not see the signs but with a new baby and being so tired I didn’t.

I was so angry with myself and with him, at this point how could I leave going from one situation to another.

I had bought a pram and decided I didnt like it at the time so I got a different one, the pram I did not like I gave him the money for thinking he needed for gas electric food later I found out he went and bought heroin with it. What a fool I was.

So I supported him and arranged for him to go to counselling and sign up to an organisation and went to meeting with him. a few weeks later he went on to drug called subutex which is blocker for heroin. The drinking was still a massive problem so months of waiting he went into rehab.

He did 6 weeks of rehab I would visit most weeks with our son and send me letters money baccy ect. When he came out of rehab I went and collected him, thinking this is the first day of our lives together, a fresh start for him and also when hes adjusted to every day life again I can leave.

How wrong was I a week after being out of rehab he wanted to nothing to do with me. I was putting my affairs in order to leave my husband and start a new life. He completing shut me out.

I was absolutely devastated and didn’t know what to do. He had some people in rehab telling him I was the cause of his drinking and drugs and stupidly he listened. Which I found out when he was in rehab he had done heroin before.

So we parted for about 6 weeks where i sent to weekly groups to see a councillor. I asked him if I could go around to his flat and collect my belongings which he got funny over. So he blocked me.

I knew then I was ready to move on with my life so I sent his mother a text and said I was getting on with my life within hrs I heard from him yet again.

He wanted to speak about our son we had together within a few days we decided we would give it another ago. Things were good between us he was not drinking he was lovely and charming but after a while the cracks started showing again and he told me he had a drink so he started to go back to aa meetings regularly. But he had not stopped drinking at all, and worse than that he was back taking heroin again. I knew this time and I asked him out right.

One night I went to pick him up and he was very poorly well they call it clucking because he had no money to get anything. I couldnt see the man I loved in that state on the floor being sick so I went and scored for him which I’ve never done before, I was mortified I had to go and do this I felt I had no choice. I was so scared as I’ve never been apart of that world and doing something like that was awful. I made him actually do it front of me, I was so upset he put me through this. What could I do.i felt physically sick doing it. A few weeks passed and we managed to get him an appt with another organisation and soon went back onto subutex again.

I found out a few weeks later I was pregnant again he was happy about it something for us to look forward to this time would be different because my husband had moved out.

He got himself a little job I was so happy for him, the drinking seemed to be under control. I was half way through my pregnancy and I had a message on fb from a women claiming that she had a baby with him and they had been sleeping together in rehab. This women made my life a misery sent me scan photos baby pictures. I didn’t know what to do my head was spinning. Later on he came out as lies things didn’t add up at all. I was so distraught so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. With all this going on I was struggling myself at home I begged him for help, my oldest daughter was getting groomed online going out in the middle of the night in mens cars I would be out looking for her with the police, I told him my worries and concerns and I was exhausted same old thing he was so caught up in his own dramas as per. So I decided to hide what was going on. So I asked my ex husband to help me. We made a decision together that he would move back in to help with the kids as I couldnt do it on my own and working, so we would live separate lives and he knew about my relationship. It was not what I wanted but felt I had no choice. The agreement was I would not tell my partner at the time, plus my husband didn’t want him anywhere near his children which I couldnt blame him being an alcoholic and a drug user. I had to keep them safe. It was hard so many times I wanted to tell him what was going on at home but I couldnt he was always to drunk, I paid the price for being with him big time. But i had to protect my daughter and i couldnt do it on my own.

Months went on and we had a baby girl together he was not at the birth I tried to contact him but couldnt get hold of him. He later came to the hospital. After my ex husband had brought my daughter in to see me because I was carried off in an ambulance. So she was pretty upset. So he thought my ex husband had been at the birth but was not.

We mangers to sort things out and to start off with I couldnt ask for a better man to be a father to his daughter, as soon as he saw her he couldnt get enough of her he loved her so much you could see it in his eyes. Things were good with us he was loving the fact of getting a chance to be a daddy again, we were happy really happy going on date nights family trips us going away together. At that point of our relationship I have never been happier, he was the man I always thought he could be the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were soul mates. We were one.

Then I found out I was pregnant again but this time I felt differently because there were complication with my last pregnancy so we were unsure whether to go through with it. But I couldnt have an abortion so we went through with it. Which unfortunately he could not be with me because of covid. I had a very traumatic time of it because she was transverse and I hemiaged again. I was told not to have any more children. Lockdown was a struggle for us together as I was living in one place and he was still living at the flat. I would take our daughters up there when I could. But with covid I was so worried because he kept having un savoury characters in the house when I was not about so I told him I wouldn’t bring them if he couldnt stick to the rules. But things were not right at all I knew he was doing drugs I just couldnt catch him out I tried i would turn up when he was not expecting me there. This was going on for months i was even told by people he was doing drugs.so I put it to the back of my head as he kept telling he wasn’t he actually made me feel I was going around the bend.

I even apologised and bought him a presents and cooked a lovely meal with banners all around the flat because i felt so guilty for accusing him of such things I got his mate to take him down the pub and take his key so I could decorate the flat.

He cried when he saw the trouble I went to but I know now it was guilt nothing else.

So I applied for a loan I needed to get out of my house as things were so bad and it was enough money for us to get away. The day I was going to tell him his mother told him I was living with my husband and I was laughing at him behind his back all this time. Which was not the case i was protecting him and now it’s over hes turned his back on me again.

The worse thing is he wouldn’t even let me explain I had all the proof on my phone about my ex husband not being the father, texts I even had a letter drawn up by a solicitor about the agreement. I had all sorts he wouldn’t listen to me.

Him and his mum decided my fate between them, his mum heard things but didnt know the full truth what was really happening. I am a private person and I do not like my business all around a small town. She likes to gossip about everyone, that women has caused me so much trouble, because her son is so perfect, she has blinkers on when it comes to him, because he didnt have a good childhood he went to live with his nan and grandad because she was in a abusive relationship herself and he had got beaten up from his step father. Hes always told me that she makes up for it now and its guilt maybe it is I do not know.

I am nearly ready to give birth again with our son. So alone with nothing, everything I did for this man over the years money from me, stole from shops and I’ve had to bail him out. He had loads of grandads inheritance from me, hes left me debt with a phone contact. Everything hes done to me and I forgave him every time, he cant get pass this because he listens to mummy. Its pathetic I’ve been going through months of therapy because of him. Hes had me do DNA tests. He doesnt pay for the kids we have together. I have solicitors involved that cost me fortune.

How I feel is used hes used me for years I feel like a mug. I tried and tried to help him I’ve done things I’m not proud of to help this man the man I loved so much. All he cares about is himself none else just him. 6 weeks ago he declared his love to me saying he couldnt live without me, he made contact with me. We spoke on the phone for hrs. Then we decided to meet up even thou I was advised not to,

Made me all the promises again he wanted to see the children,

I felt I had to meet him as I didnt have closure for what he had done to me,

So we meet and talked and it was strange as I felt different towards him more guarded I guess because if everything and my baby I am carrying. He got really upset saying he believed everything I said and how sorry he was to leave me on my own.

A few days later we arranged to meet again this time he wanted to see his daughter and wanted to go out for a date night. The morning we were suppose to meet he had a seizure so I said we would leave it. He sent me a lovely message a few hrs later he wanted nothing to do with me yet again, I know now how influenced he is by his family, the difference is he has a family and we could of been a family, his kids are his blood but they do not count in his life. All of a sudden gets into another relationship he really is low life scum especially me being so heavy pregnant I guess all he cares about is getting his end wet.

Hes suppose to be off to rehab yet again. Third time lucky,

I always thought he could change I really did, I thought he was my true love, I wanted the world with him I would of done anything for him, but now I know he never actually cared for me or loved me it was all lies. He used me for what he could get out of me, sad as it is I know the truth now. I just feel in pain but I’m getting there.

I am a good person and I didnt deserve all this what has happened to me. I just feel like I let it happen to me.

He has sucked the life out of me and I hope he Can live with that. The problem is the whole relationship has always been about him, I had to hide what I was going through at home because he couldnt cope with it. In protecting this man I lost myself. I was such a confident person and now I feel I cant even go into our local shop incase I bump into him. It’s sad but true, I will get there, but I’m so pleased I’m having this baby and he will get all the love from me he will ever need he doesnt need him his family. Least I know he will be loved and not used as a weapon.

This man has no morals or values, I’m so lucky he is finally out of my life but a day doesnt go on when I think of him not because of me still loving him because of what he has done to me and those children, because he was to selfish to change for any of us.

[beth01]

That’s such a tough story Lauren. I’m so glad you’re out now. Remember you’re a queen and the next person who comes along needs to treat you like one xxx

[louise123]

Thankyou for your kind words that’s a lovely thing to say. The man has put me through hell and back he gets to move on with his life, but actually hes not moving on hes doing same thing hes always done. I feel sorry for this women because she does not know what’s coming, this man has Had thousands from me like your self, and left me in debt.

Only 6 weeks ago he contacted me declared his love for me yet again, made me all the promises in the world.

Luckily this time I was more guarded, but he got in my head. He wanted to see me so I did meet with him even with the advice of my solicitor not to. I needed to hear what he had to say, as he never gave me closure. He didn’t even know I was still pregnant he thought I had a termination, I couldnt go through with it as I was 24 weeks and when I went to see the consultant in London because I’m high risk, the procedure they have to do and because its baby I would of had to have sign papers for a burial I couldn’t do it. He new I was going to London he wouldn’t even stand by me like I said he completely turned his back on me. I remember sat in the hospital in london thinking what the hell has this man done to me. He is not the person I thought he was.

I made the decision then I did not love him anymore.

As far as I’m concerned he has no rights to this baby or my other children. It’s ok when you have no responsibility isn’t it. Xxx

[redfox20]

Hi Lauren, what a story and what a journey you have been through. You’re incredibly strong to have come out the other side and putting you and your children first, they are lucky to have you. You’ve done the right thing by walking away your mental health & well-being is paramount especially as a parent this was the main reason i walked away too. Stay strong, & good luck with the birth of your son. You’ve got this x

[louise123]

Thankyou so much I am due next week and I’m so excited to becoming a mother again especially to this child, this baby will have all the love and attention it will ever need from me, we do not need someone like that in our lives. I realise that now. This man has taken so much from me but one thing he will never have is these children. He missed out on 3 children soon to be 4 children because of his addiction. I never left the children with him because I was always worried incase he was drunk and what kind of person would that make me leaving my children with someone like that. My children are my life and I will always put them first. At the same time I’m so sad its come to this, I never deserved what happened to me i never asked for it and i felt i was weak in letting someone manipulate me in that way for years. I just now feel used. Now I know this man is not capable of love. I was never his first love alcohol/drugs was. Xx

[redfox20]

Exciting times ahead for you. You have done all you can it’s he’s problem not yours. It feels so good to finally come to that realisation doesn’t it but painful too it will take time to heal. You are not weak you loved him and wanted him to be there for you and your children, he let you down and it’s he’s weakness to turn to drugs. They will always put drugs first until they see a way out or want to change nothing will stop it. You’re doing the right thing keeping them safe, and you take care of yourself too! X

[esta]

Karma – correct it repays

And you deserve the biggest repayment of kindness and love

Not much comfort for being on the receiving end of such betrayal I know but honestly you are so strong

[louise123]

Thankyou for saying all that, I am getting there I have a good therapist that has helped me alot over the last few months. You never think this will happen to you but when it does and you cant see it until it’s to late, the feeling of betrayal and everything you have done for that person and how you let them is unbelievable. I feel like I’ve been stabbed and stabbed over again in the heart. While your suffering and having to deal with being pregnant and all these extra emotions floating around they are just out down the pub not a care in the world. I sold my pram a week ago as I bought a brand new one and he only wanted half the money for it because he contributed to it, one thing he ever helped pay for, I nearly gave it to him until someone talked some sense into me, I didnt want the money so I gave it to a charity xxx.

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