[lucy28]

My Brother started doing weed and drinking from 14 possibly younger, he always had low confidence and looking back should have haf support at school but in the 80s he was made to feel thick and naughty.

The drinking continued through the years, weed ,speed you name it, bunking school stealing untill eventually he started doing crack and i think heroin. My mum and dad could never kick him out dad died in ’06 so it the fell to Mum to be his main support and carer. Eventually he got some help but never stuck to it i took him to re hab and he left same day. My Mum died suddenly in ’11 , she had a brain heammorage she had just been arguing with him that morning he was hounding her for money. My 10 year old daughter was there at the time. He was in sheltered accommodation and homeless and now has a flat but he is very manipulative and cruel what he says to me I am the “good twin!” I think he is still using he asks for money and swears its for food but never eats, he just lies lies lies. I have my own family 3 kids and a job I am fed up of him guilt tripping me saying myself and my brother have disowmed him , but he only wants us for money.

Just fed up don’t want my life to be like my Mums was with him he just gets in my head and pulls my heart strings. I still see him as a young boy but he is 37!!

I dread it if he messes things up and ends up on streets again.

[meandfi]

I’m so sorry to read this. My son sounds just like your brother, but he is only 21. My husband/ his father, died 2 and a half years ago ( my sons problems go back to when he was 13, so not a result of this) and as a now single parent, I am determined that if something happens to me, my daughter ( 23) will not have to take on the burden of a life she did not chose/ or should be responsible for.

I understand your feeling that you see him as a young boy….. my daughter has dealt with it by saying that this person isn’t really her brother, and her real her brother was “ swapped in the night” when he was 13 …… and to be honest, I feel the same.

I don’t know the person he is now, nor do I like him.

We will always love the person we knew, and he was.

I am hypocritical to say this ( because I don’t practise what I preach) but walk away.

You have to look after yourself and your children.

If there is one thing I am ingraining in my daughter, it’s that she is NOT his mother, and is NOT responsible for him.

You have only one life – and it’s yours to live.

Sending you love and strength x

[lucy28]

Thank you. I think you are doing the right thing telling your daughter she is not and will not be responsible for him.

Addicts are very selfish and manipulative and i wish i could like you practice what I preach and leave him to get on with it.

It is very easy when you are not in the situation so i never speak about him now to my husband because its not worth the hassle.

[meandfi]

I don’t talk about my son to anyone now – I feel he is my problem alone, and nobody else really understands, so my normal response when anyone asks about him ( which they have mainly stopped doing) is “ he’s complicated”

I can say that being able to vent here is a relief in many ways. I joined a “widows” group a week before which helped me know that the way I feel was not “abnormal” but whilst people talk about their grief, and how hard it is to be bringing up children alone, I couldn’t talk about my son there – I would feel too ashamed x

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