My 37 year old twin brother

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    • #10134
      meandfi
      Participant

      I’m so sorry to read this. My son sounds just like your brother, but he is only 21. My husband/ his father, died 2 and a half years ago ( my sons problems go back to when he was 13, so not a result of this) and as a now single parent, I am determined that if something happens to me, my daughter ( 23) will not have to take on the burden of a life she did not chose/ or should be responsible for.

      I understand your feeling that you see him as a young boy….. my daughter has dealt with it by saying that this person isn’t really her brother, and her real her brother was “ swapped in the night” when he was 13 …… and to be honest, I feel the same.

      I don’t know the person he is now, nor do I like him.

      We will always love the person we knew, and he was.

      I am hypocritical to say this ( because I don’t practise what I preach) but walk away.

      You have to look after yourself and your children.

      If there is one thing I am ingraining in my daughter, it’s that she is NOT his mother, and is NOT responsible for him.

      You have only one life – and it’s yours to live.

      Sending you love and strength x

    • #10137
      lucy28
      Participant

      Thank you. I think you are doing the right thing telling your daughter she is not and will not be responsible for him.

      Addicts are very selfish and manipulative and i wish i could like you practice what I preach and leave him to get on with it.

      It is very easy when you are not in the situation so i never speak about him now to my husband because its not worth the hassle.

    • #10140
      meandfi
      Participant

      I don’t talk about my son to anyone now – I feel he is my problem alone, and nobody else really understands, so my normal response when anyone asks about him ( which they have mainly stopped doing) is “ he’s complicated”

      I can say that being able to vent here is a relief in many ways. I joined a “widows” group a week before which helped me know that the way I feel was not “abnormal” but whilst people talk about their grief, and how hard it is to be bringing up children alone, I couldn’t talk about my son there – I would feel too ashamed x

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