[concernedaddict]

Hi,I’m suffering with something new caused by my addiction and is far worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s the state of depression I have put my wife in. She feels like she is living in constant fear of me fucking things up again. She puts on a mask at work and to all her friends and family to hide what’s really going on. I’ve caused so much pain and helping myself is just not enough. I really don’t know what to do to help her. Have you any advice to offer through your experiences? She doesn’t know how to be happy now and we have a young child together. Is it best I leave? And put a child through a broken home. Or is it possible to stay and hope that things will get better. My addiction has been going on since we met. (In secret at 1st)

She has supported me through my recovery and yet I still give in to it. On our wedding day, our sons 1st birthday and many more memories that I have ruined. Be brutally honest. Maybe the damage is done. She has not told any of her friends and family about this and feels like she wears a mask and is exhausted just to see the day through now.

[kerry-c]

Hi, have you and your wife ever thought of couples counselling? Therapy groups etc, iam a firm believer if something is broken it can be fixed although it will take time your wife seems like a very strong women and having been so supportive in the past iam very sure trying to fix things will be something she will want to do, we can only learn by our mistakes and try not to repeat them I hope this helps

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Maybe your wife would be find it easier to talk with someone she doesn’t know about how she is feeling. If so she could contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for families and friends of those with addictive behaviours. She could talk with one of our experienced trained people in confidence. They would understand what she has been through which she might find helpful.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that things work out for you and your wife. Good luck.

[hox]

I don’t think leaving would help matters. It would seem like you are running away from your responsibilities and they are toward your wife and child and of course yourself.

I’m in the same boat. I go to work and break down crying. No one knows what I’m going through. Just that I’m not the happy person I used to be. The people at work would not believe me if I told them as they knew how close my husband and I were, so I put on a mask and hide as much as possible. Hoping life will get better. I do the same to our mutual friends and family, mask on and excuses made.

Help yourself, you need to succeed then your wife will not be anxious and hopefully return to near normal. I’m saying this because if my husband came in now, gave me a hug and started to behave how he used to toward me I could start healing myself. I know I could never be the same person he married but I would be happy if I could become half the person I used to be. I’m tired, exhausted and so unhappy. The damage has been done so far but it is worth trying to get some more treasured memories.

[Author]

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