[sallyamber7]

I am struggling to cope after two years when my son started using alcohol and cocaine. He has a 14 year old son who has been living with my husband and I for two years due to my son and his partners abusive relationship. My grandsons mother continually beats my son who has had broken ribs black eyes and has cuts all over him. She has rapid cycling bipolar and unstable personality disorder. My son thinks he has autism.They are both angry and abusive towards us. We have financially supported them for years and now my son has run up thousands of pounds in debts as my husband has guaranteed his shop and flat we have to pay his debts. Social Services recommended that we apply through the courts for a residency order. We have always had our grandson with us weekends and school holidays he also has health concerns and needs extra care and supports due to his condition.

My son continues to lie, demands money and blame me particularly for giving up on him. My son lived with us for 10 weeks in the summer and was getting drunk and using cocaine he became psychotic and the police were called a number of times. At that point I thought he was suffering from mental health issues and had no idea it was cocaine. For years I have supported and probably enabled his abusive coercive behaviour towards me and that has caused him to be angry that I have put boundaries in place.

I am so anxious about Christmas as he will expect to come to our home where his son is living and I am scared he will become aggressive as he has continually in the past and try and attack my husband who may retaliate.

I live in constant fear and anxiety and my husband has made it his mission to try and save his son putting pressure on me to ignore the bad behaviour and accept him back into the family. I am 61 have a job and my grandson to look after I also have a number of health issues and do not know what to do next.

I have had so many years in the past covering and sorting out my sons mistakes drug abuse debts and being arrested for assault and kept all this from my husband to prevent any family conflict. My grandson witnessed his mum attacking his father when he Iived with them and had to call the police. I want to put him first but my husband continually is trying to save our son and enabling him at the same time.

I am so tired and exhausted from the constant worry. My son will send messages saying that he is at rock bottom and no one would care if he killed himself. I feel like I am waiting for the phone to ring or the police to turn up.

[debc]

Hi SallyAmber7,

Welcome to the Forum. You are living a nightmare and I hope by writing it all down it has made you feel a bit better.

There are lots of people on here in similar situations. Read the Theresa thread, lots of Mums with Sons who are addicts. Personally I have found this site to be a god send, you can rant as much as you like and no one will judge you, every one is really helpful and will understand what you and your Family are going through.

Your Son will only get help when he wants too, and when people enable the addict they have no reason to want to give up, I have learnt that over many years with my Son. We think we are helping them by giving into their needs, usually money, but we aren’t really, we are just helping them to get more drugs and drink.

My Son is an addict alcohol/cocaine, I think they go hand in hand. He has just had a bad weekend, and I’m afraid I lost it with him, but really I’m wasting my breath. We are having a good week so far, but as people know that can change in an instant.

The Icarus Trust post on here too, and they will leave their contact details.

Please look after you and your family first that’s the most important thing.

Keep in touch on here and take care.

Dx

[sallyamber7]

Thank you so much fir your kind words and I am so very sorry you are having such a hard time too. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to have written it all down I have felt such shame that I can’t tell friends x

[Author]

Posts