[searfoss6]

I have been with my husband for almost 35 years. He started drinking at the age of 29, which was about 20 years ago. He died this Saturday, 4 days shy of his 49th birthday. I don’t know how I should feel. We have 6 children together. Two are grown with families of their own. The others are all teenagers. We have all have been prepared for this day because of his drinking a case of beer a day and smoking about two packs. Family history is heart attacks and his refusing him not going to the doctor compounded it. It was always a disaster going on a vacation anywhere because he took beer with us. We couldn’t have a good time because he was always looking for a beer store. After 2 hours the shakes would start. I hate myself because the kids grew up with this. I always thought he would realize we were more important. But no matter what we thought alcohol was more important. I can ramble on for hours of what we went through but I feel bad because it is such a relief not for us to deal with it anymore. It’s like a new beginning for us. No drama, embarrassment, no hiding it anymore. It just feels like freedom. How do we cope with it?

[ash2013]

Hi,

I don’t know what you are going through, but do not feel bad for how you feel.

You went through hell with the man you loved, I’m sure that you tried your absolute best and you were helpless to stop him.

Addiction in any form is awful for the person, but equally as upsetting for the family around them. Take comfort in the fact you did what you could, and i’m sure you protected your kids as best you could.

Sending hugs x

[sebo27]

I am sorry for your loss. There will be alot of mixed emotions as you and your family work through the grieving process and run through questions you’ve already asked yourself many times before. I think you have to let this take it’s course. I promise, over time it will get better.

In my view, alcoholics must want to stop, to stop, and until they want to no one can make them. The reason they don’t want to, no matter how obvious it is to everyone around them, is because they slip beneath the waves of alcoholism and their entire world view is warped. As loved ones it’s hard for us to accept that we cannot lift that person out from that place they are in.

I applaud you for holding out hope all those years. Don’t beat yourself up for trying – if anything it speaks volumes about your commitment and loyalty and you should hold your head high. We can only do our best in life and I’m sorry that hope you had for your husband has not been rewarded.

You should not feel bad for the sense of relief and hope for the future. This is a normal way to feel. You and your children did not ask to have your lives dominated by alcoholism. There will be ups and downs to come. Look after yourself and consider setting your teenagers up with some grief counselling to work through their feelings.

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