Hi Pjay,
Thank you for posting your story. It is sad to read of the impact of your mum’s drinking on your childhood and how it still makes you feel now.
It might help you to talk through how you are feeling. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports people like yourself who have been affected by the addictions of a loved one. if you think it would help please contact us and you could talk with one of our experienced trained volunteers.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.