[jmp2121]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. He is amazing to me and we are both generally very happy in love. When I first met him I knew he would often use marijuana and I was fine with it. It wasn’t until later in the relationship that I learnt he has an addiction and he openly told me as well. We have spoken about it often and I do my best to support him when I know he struggles. He will smoke marijuana every day after work and every weekend when he has it, and it’s usually 24/7 that there is marijuana in the house as he lives with a roommate who also smokes it, so 97% of the time he is high.

Tonight we had a talk about how he is feeling like he needs to work on himself and his addiction. He has said to me that he uses marijuana because the drug is better than life and it gives him a feeling that is better than any other whilst it lasts and has thoughts of spending all of his money on drugs but knows the consequences that would come along with this, yet still has the urge to do it.

I am finding it really hard right now as I have a lot of fears for our relationship and the future of it. I wish I could make him feel as happy as drugs can. I expressed to him my fear that he might choose drugs over me eventually. He ended up saying that he would be lying if he said to me he 100% wouldn’t choose drugs over me because he doesn’t know. This made me feel really upset because I obviously don’t want him to choose drugs over me and I don’t want to get to the future and become heart broken because he chooses them over me. I don’t want to leave the relationship because I love him so much and I know he does love me.

He has said that there isn’t anything I can really do to help apart from supporting him which I already do. He has acknowledged that he has a problem and is trying to work on it. I just don’t know if there is anything else I can do to help him? I’ve never dealt with this situation before and I’m really overwhelmed.

[natty3]

I hear you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation – it sounds heart-breaking. I have been with my partner for 10 years. He used to smoke a of weed lot before we met (I did a fair bit too), but we’d both stopped by the time we met each other. About five years into the relationship he started having a little bit every now and then, which was fine. In the last 3 years this developed into an addiction, I hate it but he doesn’t want to talk about it. It leaves me feeling lonely. Like he is living in a bubble and I’m left in the real world. I feel it’s affecting our communication (it sometimes seems like his people skills and ability to experience empathy have gone downhill). I hope you find some good support and advice on this forum (and in real life). Talking to my friends really helps. This is my first day on this forum, so I’ve not really read much so far.

[mshurt]

Dear jmp2121,

I was reading your life and saw my own in it. We are only 6 months longer in a relationship and the only reason why i stayed longer to love him and support him was because he decided to drop the addiction; to reduce the usage of weed and in the last month, he did not use it.

Once he got a chance to get out of town for work, he let himself off-leash and used stronger drugs which led him to cheat on me with an escort. This just happened.

I can only say that I let myself gain from stress and constant worry if he was okay when smoking and i was getting frustrated coming back from work and seeing him high when i in reality looked forward to come home and hug him and go for a bike ride; that was not possible as he was too high. Drugs are stronger than themselves.

I trusted he wants to change; that he wants better life; and after we stopped camping; our life became more boring. He turned himself more to weed; i worked a lot and kept on gaining weight. Of course i became un-attracted to him.

Until they decide to do for themselves; they wont stop.

He kept on telling me to save myself and to leave him; but i kept on being supportive as i know he is a hard core and treatment started helping him. However; out of all my support it came out that i was controlling him and mothering him; and trust me – none of us wants to be like that. So, i can not tell you what to do; as i did not allow anyone else to tell me and i hid from everyone what he does; i actually pulled away from my friends as i did not want to start bothering then with my daily stress.

He puts it all on me saying that he numbs himself because he is bored; and sees that he makes me unhappy . I became frustrated a lot and i am very tolerant and funny person; but i guess he just never learned how to live life and i tried to give him life by even buying him a dog for depression but it turned out that dog started annoying him as well.

He wanted me to get my life back and constantly tried to sabotage relationship when he feels sorry for himself. Once he started taking depression meds; i saw the improvements. If he would go to a doctor to get depression meds or any pills that stop craving for weed; that could help.

While him being surrounded by people doing the same what he does – he will never stop.

I believed in miracle as i always do. I had and still have faith for him, but after cheating i can not stay around although i know that substance did it. And i contributed by letting myself down with my look as i constantly worried about him. All of a sudden he starts getting better; and i was not myself anymore and i started being boring to him just because i did not want to smoke.

I am trying to say that none should compromise as drugs are stronger and sorry to say so. I still do believe he can recover, but this time i said that he needs to be inpatient. And i love him very very much. I still do although i know he hurt me; but it was not him, it was the substance. They just need treatment.

Please, take care of you and try to step out if he does not want to change for himself. He can try to do it for you, but as soon as the first opportunity, drugs attract them.

Hope this help. Try not to let yourself go down more. I did it after one year being with him and we lived together for one year. I love him with all my broken heart, but realizing he needs to do it with professionals for himself and if it is meant to be, it will come back and forgiveness in my heart would come along too.

Hope this helped; good luck and take care of you!

[basseyforce]

Remember to take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries. It’s okay to have concerns about the future of your relationship, and it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your boyfriend about your feelings.

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