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Me and my boyfriend both took a lot of drugs together in our past until I got pregnant early last year. I got completely clean and he did too for a bit. When I was about 5 months pregnant he got a new job and started working nights and long hours in the day. I was fucking stupid and assumed this was to earn more money for our family, but i found out a few days ago that he was developing a heavy coke habit and hiding it from me. He then told me he’d stopped when he left that job, and I found out today that was a lie. He’s still on it and he never stopped. Our son is 4 weeks old today. We’ve broken up temporarily because it’s the only way he can get clean. But I have such a deep resentment for him now. He’s lied to me in the past about similar things because he’s been scared of my reaction. I was by myself every day and night while i was pregnant, missing him, and feeling angry sometimes that he’d left me alone, but beat myself up for it because I thought he was trying to do the right thing. I don’t want to be angry, or hate him anymore. I don’t know what to do, and it’s seriously affecting my mental state.
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firstly, you need to put your child first and if hes going to be on it while taking care of your child that needs to stop. If he has a heavy coke habit, its not curable over night and it takes a huge amount of dedication and he needs to want to stop.
addiction is so hard to understand when you’re not an addict yourself, coke morphs the brain and makes people so selfish and inconsiderate – I have threatened to leave mine, time and time again, the urge and addiction is just too much and it comes first.
He will lie and say he has stopped, theyre the best manipulators, have a read through some of these forums. If he doesnt want to go doctors and seek help go to rehab etc then it wont work, he will continue.
I feel for you as there is a baby involved, but you need to be strong and do whats best for you.
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Your hormones are probably all over the show so this is the last thing you need right now. If he really wanted to though he would want you to be involved and he would be telling you in detail what he is doing to get help. He needs to go to the doctors himself and get counselling and help to try and recover.
In regards to what you say about yourself to the doctors I am not sure how they deal with this – I guess they get it all the time new mums getting PND etc so dont be worried about telling them how youre feeling, they may get you help.
Might be worth going to see what they can do for you, i wouldnt tell them about your partners issues, as its for him to sort not you.
Just remember you arent to blame here and nothing you say will make him get help he needs to want it.
Good luck, be strong. xxxxx
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Hello,
I am sorry for all that is happening – it really is the worst. My boyfriend to has a cocaine addiction and it’s heart breaking. I can too relate to the resentment, he has relapsed within the last week and all I feel is resentment but can’t walk away as I love him so much.
You need to put yourself first and your baby, I know its hard I really do. Have you ever gone to an Al Anon meeting? I found it quite hard to go, but speaking to people will definitely help you. I went ages not talking to anyone about it and keeping it a secret and thinking I was mad, but once I spoke to people I have felt a sigh of relief and a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Please keep strong and put yourself first x
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