[anon123xxxxxx]

I feel so lonely. So broken. All the trust is gone again & I don’t know how to fix it. My boyfriend relapsed 3 days ago and it was while we was on a date, I really wanted to leave him but I know me leaving him will make him worst and I really love him. Anyone else going through this rn 🙁

[stephie86]

Hey, so sorry to hear you are going through this, you are not alone here tho. I am going through something similar but the relapse has actually turned into a much harder drug, the lies are constant and never stop, and the one thing I can advice is you can never fix it!

Through groups I have been reminded of the three C’s. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. It helps me a lot to be able to step back and just focus on me. I know that feeling of worrying that if you leave they will get worse and all I can say from my experience is, it really doesn’t matter what we do, they will use if they want and will not if they are ready to change. So sorry you are going through this, here if you want to talk x

[anon123xxxxxx]

Thankyou so much for your reply, it’s nice to know it’s not just me going through this atm. I’m 21 and this has caused me severe anxiety and sometimes I feel depressed. He went 6 months without it and almost a year the time before & i feel like I’m just waiting for the next time for it to happen all the time, my trust builds back up and we end up at square one. I’ve been spending loads of times with my friends since the last time this happened before the other day and that has helped. Hardest thing is it feels like it should get easier every relapse but it just gets harder. Unfortunately I just don’t think he’s ready for going out drinking yet because that’s when he tends to reach for it and they do it in the most malicious and secretive ways.

Do you think change is possible?

Thank you, you too x

[stephie86]

It’s really hard for me to say if change is possible. Research says yes if they are really willing to change, they have to change so much, cut out “friends” cut out places and things, it’s a huge life change for them. We have a child and that still hasn’t been enough for her to change, she lost our family for months and that still wasn’t enough. Please always remember this is never your fault, not sure if you have been blamed yet, but nothing you do will ever be the cause of their decisions. Best thing I ever did was carried on with my life and let her do her thing, unfortunately that has led to crack use now but I have found it easier to leave due to focusing on my life. I’m not saying for you to leave, that ultimately is your decision but the best thing for you, as that is what this is about, YOU, is focus on your life and your time and mental health. I ended up on anti depressants from my relationship with my addict ex, and the best thing I did was doing things for me and therapy, lots of it! You are so young with so much life ahead of you and so many experiences to enjoy xx

[anon123xxxxxx]

Honestly I’ve been on anti depressants for about 8 months now due to the stress and anxiety it has given me. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this, I’m scared my boyfriend will move to harder drugs. I can tell how much he wants it but sometimes his mind just goes into such a dark place, he’s a boxer and if he lets himself down his future is destroyed but I need to start focusing on me because I’m 21 I’ve barely lived I shouldn’t have to be going through this & I’ve honestly complemented starting a family to see if it would fix things but I’m not ready for any of that. Thank you so much for taking your time to talk I really appreciate it. It’s his party tonight and I had no sleep last night but I’m hoping he will just try his best, we have some drug tests too just to make sure! My boyfriend was SA as a child, we took him to doctors, they’ve changed his medication now so hopefully this will be a dramatic change but just gonna keep going ???? xx

[stephie86]

Honestly the best advise really is to focus on you, it’s easier said than done because we care. I wish you all the best and stay strong xx

[margot]

Been through this for years with my husband who is an addict. He found NA thank god. He didn’t initially want to go or to stop using, but went to appease me. And in attending those meetings and doing stepwork (12 step programme), the unbelievable happened. He has been clean for 3 years now. I used to drug test him at first….The meetings are all over the country and on most evenings and weekends. We are so grateful. NA has given us bk a husband/dad that doesn’t lie, doesn’t steal, doesn’t use drugs and is more present in our lives. Good luck ????

[stephie86]

That is incredible! Wishing you all the best that this continues xx

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