[becky001]

I’m really at a lost for words on how i feel at the minute.

My boyfriend has a serious issue with coke but has admitted he abuses it due to his mental health and stress with money. I’ve offered so many times to seek help through the private health care that is provided through work to make it quicker to access help so he can have some normality in his life again.

He’s emotional blackmailed me into giving him money to pay off his dealer and this has totalled up to over £7,500 now.

His friends are aware of the drug use as they do it with him but no one knows about the money he owes me. I’m at a lost of what to do. He’s very good at talking and telling me things will change and he wants to change but his actions don’t meet up with it.

I really want to help him recover so we can move forward with our life’s but I feel I’m at a point that I don’t believe him and I’m selfishly thinking of telling his parents so I can get my money back and walk away this as it’s affecting my mental health and well-being now.

It breaks my heart because prior to his drug abuse, our relationship was fantastic he was so loving and caring but over the last 2 years it’s spiralled into nothing.

How can I convince him to better himself and change rather then being in this black hole he’s in now?

[danman83]

Hiya becky I hope your ok

I am now 4 month and 1 week clean from cocaine.

I’ll tell you my story as short as I can and the help I got and hope this helps.

So I’m 38, 3kids. Was in a relationship for 12 year till last May. I was using coke for 12 years. I’ve been trying to quit coke for the last 7 year roughly. I tried everything.. Councilling, hypnotherapy, self will, cutting people off ect.

I used roughly once a week, sometimes once every few week. When the coke wears off it sends u on a bad come down and makes u suicidal, I’ve lost friends from it. Its 1 big vicious cycle. You can use once every few week and still be an addict.

What has helped me to get better and I always said I never would is I joined cocaine anonymous last year, I got a sponsor and worked the 12 steps. I got my bets clean time, had a few relapses, but I am now 2 week off my best clean time in 12 year.

For your partner to get better. He needs to want to quit for himself. Basically hit rock bottom. Admit he is an addict and get the help. He needs get to some meetings, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps. I pray and meditate each day. Don’t let the god aspect put you off tel him.

I have made the best mates ever and we go on days out ect. They are proper mates who are clean. He needs to cut everyone off to do with coke. Implement new goals and a good daily routine. And really want this. Because its only gonna get worse.

My life now becky without it, I’ve never felt happier, I’m honest, I don’t lie, I help people, I’m caring ect.. And when u do this programme your life will get better.

He might have a few blips here and there but he will get better of he does the programme as told.

But the main thing is he needs to admit he is an addict and get the help. There a zoom cocaine annoymous meetings online as well.

I’ve tried getting it all in as much as I can. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything.

[jamesb]

Hey man, firstly, to the author of this Becky, Dan’s advice is probably some of the best advice you could have been given. Everything he said i agree with too.

@danman83 I’ve been hoping to catch up with you on here mate and reading just then the small part of your story I was hoping you could give me some advice too but haven’t known how to go about it as you can’t DM people. I’ll start a new thread and if you don’t mind I’d appreciate some guidance.

Sorry if this is rude of me to use this thread to make contact but hopefuly the topic Im seeking advice for may be beneficial to others too

James x

[danman83]

Don’t be daft James mate good to hear from you. Ask away mate

[ava123]

Hi,

My brother is a cocaine addict and myself and my family are really struggling. We have been out of thousands of pounds worth of money paying his debts and it has got to the point where we cannot anymore. He keeps saying he wants to help himself however I don’t believe he is actually trying. I also think he is in deeper than we know with the drug dealers and I am scared for myself and my family. I don’t know what to do anymore as he is so horrible to us all and manipulative and also a compulsive lier.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[danman83]

Hiya ava, hope you are OK.

Well like I said to becky he won’t stop untill he admits he has a problem and is will to go to any lengths to stop.

Tell him get to some meetings. Or if he is quite bad to try a reehab.

I wouldn’t pay any of his debts. As he is relying on you now and knows you and the family will bail him out. I’d say to him, no more now that’s it.. Your on your own. You go get help now, and fast.

Don’t give him anymore money what so ever. If he needs money for food. Buy him the food ect.

He needs some tough love now as hard as it sounds. Your just gonna be doing the same thing all the time and he’s just gonna keep using and manipulating you all. That’s what addicts do.

Hope this helps

[natasha21]

Hey Damon.i could really do with some advice from you please if you read my stories

[danman83]

Hey its Danny lol, I’m just at work work but I’ll look for them 2day and reply

[danman83]

Just replied

[natasha21]

I’ve just heard a song that I’m dedicating to all of us,( better days are coming) amazing lyrics for us all.hey Dan,I did message you last night

[danman83]

Just replied back natasha.

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