[davetall]

My younger brother has had a bad relationship with alcohol for a few years , but this has seriously increased in the last 12 months . He was living at my sisters after his marriage broke down but left there last October accusing my sister of suffocating him , he moved in with our elderly mum who lives next door to the girl he is in a relationship with . He has been abusive and distant with me and his sister blaming us for his alcohol abuse , he has attempted suicide on 4 occasions and we have had to order ambulances on more than one occasion . He constantly asks for help he engages with professionals for a week or couple days and then thinks he has it under control . His health is now being affected . His girl friend is still grieving , she lost her brother to alcohol two years ago and the relationship is toxic , it’s like she is part of the addiction but when they fall out he’s gone on three and four day benders drinking and driving , he’s been brought back home by police after being found asleep in a park this after texting he was going to hang himself . My mum just facilitates him with money and a cover story , he is struggling financially , the sad thing is he has a daughter who really needs him but he keeps letting her down because he knows he can not drink when he has her . He has said he doesn’t want to drink and he is fighting it but it’s all lies . His last outburst has resulted in me and my sister telling him we are here but he has to sort things on his own we are fed up of being the ones he blames . Has anybody else experienced similar thanks

[debc]

Hi Davegarf,

Welcome to the Forum, a great place to share your story and be in contact with people in similar situations.

I am the Mum of an addict (alcohol and cocaine), although doing well at the moment.

Your Mum needs to stop giving him money, this is just enabling him to get what he wants, addicts are very manipulative people and do it very well. Hindsight is a very good thing, and if I could have the last 10+ years back, I would do it so different, my number one thing would be to not give them any money, they have to reach rock bottom, and then they might realise that they really need help.

There is lots of help out there, at the moment it is on line meetings, they don’t have to speak, but they can listen and realise that they are not alone in their addiction.

For families of addicts there is the Icarus Trust, where you can talk to people who are and probably have been in the same situation.

There is hope, but only if the addict really wants to be helped..

Keep in touch on here and never think that you are alone.

Take care

Dx

[davetall]

Hi Deb

thanks for the reply , its good to hear that your son or daughter is doing well , my brother keeps threatening to take the advice and get well but then backs off as soon as he thinks its under control , may i ask what were the signs for the Drug abuse please , we have often thought that it isn’t just alcohol with my brother but can never prove it . He admits to the alcohol abuse

[debc]

Hi Davetall,

Sorry for your name wrong last night.

My Son always tells me that he has alcohol first and then cocaine, most people say they go hand in hand.

My own experience with the drugs when my Son was using was, lies, manipulation, no money and would do anything to get it, and quite honestly it was like living in hell, mood swings, and sometimes very angry, especially if they think that you know what they are doing, if that makes sense.

If I can answer any more questions, please ask, I know that I would have found it very useful. Adfam is a great place to read other people’s stories and lots of good advice.

Take care.

Dx

[davetall]

We have often suspected drugs as well as the drink but have never been able to prove it . He was due to engage with CGL last Friday but cancelled , siting work and he was busy , rearranged for next Wednesday , but it’s classic avoidance , I found the addition phases and cycles on this site very interesting because it explained where he is in his decision making

[icarus-trust]

Hi Davetall,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry to read how your brother’s alcoholism is affecting you and your family. I work for a charity called Icarus Trust and we offer support to the families around those with addictions as we know how hard it is to cope.

We have trained and experienced people who are good listeners and understand the kinds of issues you are facing. If you get in touch one of them would be assigned to you. talking with them might be of help and they would be able to tell you what other support is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

All the best to you and your family.

[davetall]

Thank you

[Author]

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